Day: January 9, 2008

My kids have 5 things to do to get ready for bed. It is a short list and seems like it should be simple to accomplish on a nightly basis. The reality is more complicated than it seems.

Put on Pajamas
Theory: All the kids run put on their pajamas when asked. (3 minutes)
Reality: Kids ignore me when I say “pajama time!” until I get right next to them at high volume. (3-5 minutes) I chase them all upstairs. (1 minute) Then we discover that none of them have pajamas in their drawers. All the clean laundry is it baskets in the laundry room. I tell them all to stay put and gallop down stairs to grab pajamas. (1-3 minutes) I rummage through three separate laundry baskets to find pajamas. (2 minutes) I come back upstairs to discover that the kids are making flying leaps on and off my bed instead of waiting politely in their rooms. I make them stop and hand them pajamas. (1 minute) Then I make them stop again and bodily steer them out of my bedroom one by one. (2 minutes) Then Gleek declares that she doesn’t want the pajamas I grabbed, she wants other ones. I can either go find the other ones (2 minutes) or I can argue with her (5 minutes) I then go make the boys pick up their pajamas from off their bedroom floor and put them on their bodies. (3 minutes) Total time for pajamas: 15- 22 minutes

Pick Up Toys:
Theory: All the kids run and pick up 30 toys each with no complaints. (5 minutes)
Reality: Sometimes I skip this step completely because I don’t want to deal with it. (0 minutes) If I do enforce this one, the kids all run through the house trying to avoid picking up. (2 minutes) When I finally corner them, they protest how it is far too much work and Not Fair. (2 minutes) Then they either pick up toys very slowly as if each limb weighed a hundred pounds (10 minutes) or they create an elaborate game which involves getting out more toys to pick up the toys already on the floor (10 minutes) or they get distracted by the toys and play until reminded that they are supposed to be cleaning up. (10-20 minutes) Another optional behavior is for one child to stop working because someone else isn’t working and that is Not Fair. (5 minutes) total time for toy pick up: 0-29 minutes

Eat Snack:
Theory: All the kids sit politely at the table eating while I read aloud. (15 minutes)
Reality: The kids all bounce around in the kitchen, doing tricks on chairs, talking to each other, and generally ignoring my request that they pick a snack. (2-5 minutes) I pry a preference out of them and fix the snack while they continue to demonstrate brownian motion all over the kitchen. (2 minutes) I put the snacks on the table and at least one child protests that the snack has been done wrong. This leads to either a short argument after which the child eats the snack anyway (2 minutes) or a major tantrum complete with screaming. (10 minutes) The children then eat while I read, but frequently interrupt with random comments or requests for drinks. (5-10 minutes) Total time for snack: 11-32 minutes

Brush Teeth
Theory: All the kids run to the bathroom and brush their teeth. (2 minutes)
Reality: The kids all run to the bathroom, but can find their toothbrushes. (1 minute) I go to the bathroom and find the toothbrushes sitting right on the counter where they belong. (1 minute) Kids squabble over the toothpaste (1 minute) Kids squabble over space around the sink. (1 minute) Kids accidentally spill water all over themselves and the sink and the floor while simultaneously managing to get toothpaste on the ceiling. (1 minute) Kids rub the toothbrushes over their teeth, except Patches who always asks for help. (.5 minute) Total time for brushing teeth: 5.5 minutes

Go To Sleep
Theory: The kids hop into their beds and lay quietly until they fall asleep. (5 minutes)
Reality: Gleek and Patches need me to find their blankets. (1-2 minutes) Patches needs a drink of water (1 minute) Gleek needs to tell me “one more thing” (1 minute) Link objects that he didn’t get enough play time during the day, I counter that he has to go to bed anyway. Link then pouts and refuses to fall asleep (2-4 minutes) Gleek needs to tell me “one more thing” (1 minute) Patches climbs out of bed because he’s still hungry. I send him back. (2 minutes) Gleek needs to tell me “one more thing” I tell her to save all her things for morning. (1 minute) Patches gets out of bed because he’s really really hungry and also he’s scared “I just want to be with you mom.” (1 minute) Link and Gleek both object that it isn’t fair that Patches gets snuggles and they don’t. I stop the objection by sending Patches back to bed. (2 minutes) The kids finally settle a little and roll around in their beds occasionally singing or making space ship noises until they finally fall asleep. (5-20 minutes) Total time for going to sleep: 17-35 minutes

Total theoretical time for all bedtime things: 30 minutes
Total real time for all bedtime things: 38-123 minutes (over two hours.)

On good days I anticipate the needs and the kids cooperate. Those are the days when bedtime takes 30 minutes. Those days are rare. Usually I’m tired from busy day and the kids are over excited and wound up from their busy days. The result is the two hour long bedtime. I always plan a two hour window for bedtime. On really bad days bedtime can stretch to three hours. Those are also rare. I’ve tried abbreviating the bedtime routine, but the kids really depend on the routine for stability in their days.

And now it is past time for me to start putting the kids to bed.