Day: January 16, 2008

This morning I watched as Link and Gleek ran from the car into school. I watched as Link purposefully shortened the stride of his 10 year old legs so that six year old Gleek could stay ahead of him. Letting her reach the school building first is a small kindness he does for her and for me. The excitement of getting to the building first has her jumping out of the car and running for school instead of clinging to my waist.

Our dishwasher’s motor died Sunday night. The nice dishwasher repairman will be bringing us a new one, but until he does we’re washing up by hand. Every night as I fill the sink, Gleek scoots up a stool and does all of the washing for me. She loves it. I love it too because the job is so much more pleasant with two of us.

Kiki has to give a talk in church on Sunday. This will be her first time speaking in front of the entire congregation. I’m very pleased that she is working on the talk already and very impressed that she is trying to make it reflect her own thoughts rather than just finding a story to read out loud. I hope this is a good experience for her.

In the car one day Patches and I had a delightful little conversation which started by him asking “When I grow up, can I be your friend?” I answered that I would love for him to be my friend. He smiled satisfied and started rattling off that he would come visit me and we would play games together. Then he paused for a moment and added that he would need to find a mom first so that he could be a daddy. But before he did that he needed to grow up first. And when he grows up, he will need to shave, but he will keep the hair on his head and just use haircuts. He paused a moment more and declared that he would shave his head too. I was suspicious of this last and mentioned that it was possible to be a dad while still having hair on your head. I pointed out that his friend’s dad has hair. Patches responded “Then I will just use haircuts, but I will shave beards.”

Note: What follows is a loose sorting of thoughts on the subject of giftedness. All opinions expressed in this post are subject to change upon receipt of further information. Today’s ideas may be tossed by tomorrow.

As part of my resolve to focus more on the needs of the kids, I have borrowed some books to read. I have long resisted doing any research into the special needs of gifted kids because I believe that all children have special needs. It seemed irrelevant to study about giftedness when I just needed to pay attention to my kids and figure out what they needed. I continued in this opinion even when Kiki’s teachers kept trying to give me literature, or send me to seminars, or show me websites. I was quite stubborn. I did not want to subscribe to the idea that some kids are gifted while others are not. This week I caved and did some reading. The first thing I figured out is that “gifted” is merely a category descriptor for a set of behaviors and needs. “Gifted” does not mean better. A gifted child may actually cause far more chaos than joy in a family that doesn’t know how to deal with their behaviors.

I wish they would pick a different term than “gifted.” It’s as if this small subset of the population has been given a super special present that no one else gets to have. The fact that I am part of the subset makes me alternately glad and guilty. I resolve the feelings by making sure that I use my abilities to make the world a better place. Another part of me has a hard time believing in the whole concept of giftedness because it doesn’t seem rare. My whole family is highly intelligent. Howard’s whole family went through gifted programs. And now I am a parent and I have to discern the needs of my kids. As I was reading about the characteristics of gifted kids it was like browsing the behaviors of my children. Gleek has that. Patches and Gleek both do that. Oh there’s Kiki. This one is Link. On and on. These are supposedly diagnostic descriptions of gifted behaviors but I find myself thinking “doesn’t every kid do that?” Am I so accustomed to oddness that it seems normal to me? Am I weird? Rare? I don’t feel like I am. I don’t feel like my kids are. It all seems…normal.

In order to meet the educational needs of my kids, I may have to endure putting them in gifted programs. We did that with Kiki and it was miserable. On the other hand, if I’d listened to her teachers and studied more about typical gifted behaviors, perhaps it would have been a better experience. Assuming I already know the answers is typical for gifted people. Apparently I’m susceptible to the faults of the category as well.

Have I mentioned that I dislike categories? I don’t like thinking that I fit into one. I don’t like thinking that my kids fit into one. Categories seem limiting, confining. They are like little boxes. Labels and descriptors are better. They attach without impeding movement.

Ack. All this is me spinning my wheels to no point. Tomorrow I read the book about actually managing the problem behaviors typical in “gifted” children. That one may have some useful applications rather than just high theory that makes my head hurt with contradictory emotions.