Lists of needs and parental judo
One of the ways that I help myself focus on being a good parent is by making lists. Every three to six months I spend some time watching my children and figuring out what developmental task they have in front of them that I can be assisting. Then I write lists of what my kids need and create action plans for helping them. Sometimes the same item stays on a child’s list for a very long time. “Help Link learn to ride a bike” stayed on his list from age seven until the day last spring when he just got on his bike and took off down the street. Other items only make the list once because they’re no longer needed by the time I make the next list. Having the list helps me see how the needs can be fit into the family schedule.
Here are today’s lists:
Kiki: Needs someone to sit down with her and look over her Personal Progress book to decide where to start on earning this church award. Needs more things to keep her busy in the afternoons so that she is tired at bedtime instead of taking afternoon naps.
Link: Needs more time reading aloud because it helps him internalize the rhythms of speech, thus improving his ability to speak. Needs someone to help him tackle scouting goals, particularly the ones which involve writing. Needs more physical activity to improve large muscle development and fine motor co-ordination. Needs time limits on video game time so that he doesn’t spend all day in front of the screen.
Gleek: Needs home support for the “Star Card” program that we’ve negotiated with her teachers which will hopefully improve compliance with directions at school. Needs more immediate and strict with enforcement of limits because she is in a pushing-the-limits phase right now. Needs more healthy snacks and fewer treats to prevent sugar crashes. Needs more quiet time to help her settle herself.
Patch: Needs more stories read to him. Needs one-on-one time to practice reading. Needs quiet times during the days because he gets overwhelmed with too many people and too much noise. Needs a stable bedtime routine.
All kids: Need to be doing more chores, both so the chores get done and so that the kids learn how to do them.
The length of the lists vary. This time Link’s list is longest, but each child has had a turn being the one with a long list of needs. Once I see the list laid out, I’m suddenly able to see how some of these needs can solve each other. It is parental judo. If I have Link read stories to Patch I have solved both the reading aloud and the need for stories. Kiki needs more to do in the afternoons and she also has a list of things to accomplish for the Personal Progress award. Now I can see what I should be telling her to do when she’s sitting around bored. Or maybe I could set Kiki on the task of making healthy snacks in the afternoons. I can also have Gleek do some reading to Patch which would again give him more stories while supplying both with valuable quiet time. Link’s tumbling class helps to address the muscle development, but if I also make sure that his chores are physical ones, like vacuuming or scrubbing, that can help both needs.
Not all of these solutions I’m spouting will work out, but at least I know where to start and I don’t feel completely overwhelmed because I don’t have enough time and energy to meet all the needs of my kids.