The moment the hotel room door closed behind me, I knew that the quick run up to my room was something of a mistake. I’d been running around socializing and presenting for a full day. The temptation to hide in the calm, quiet room was nearly overwhelming. This is one of the odd dichotomies of being an introvert. I was loving every minute of the convention. I was loving the presenting, and visiting with long-time friends, and meeting new people. It was all wonderful and I still wanted to hide from it for awhile. I wanted to sit in the quiet of my room and process the experiences. Unfortunately there was no time. The convention only lasts so long, and I had another presentation in only a few more minutes. So I grabbed the things I needed and went forth again. Plenty of time to be alone once the convention is over.
As a writer I am tempted to try to capture my entire convention experience in words, as if by pinning it down I can keep it present forever. I want to scramble and write hugely long entries that mention every event and every person by name. The problem is that there are too many of both. No matter how hard I try, I would not be able to remember everything. It would take several days to try to write it all. And as each day goes by, more details would become fuzzy. Not only that, but I really need to use today to clear my head. By tomorrow morning all the convention thoughts need to be firmly stowed away in my memories so that my thinking space is available for things to come. So I will not attempt to tell everything. I will let it all wash over me and some of it will stick.
This year CONduit was more about reconnection than with reaching out to new people. I did meet some new people, but the majority of my time was spent visiting with friends. Last night, after the launch party was over, Howard and I washed up like driftwood in the chairs of the hotel lobby. We had nothing left on our schedules for the day, but there were hours left in the evening. I contemplated packing up and heading home early, but was too tired. I am glad I didn’t because that circle of chairs accumulated people. Soon all the chairs were filled, so new people started dragging chairs from other portions of the lobby. The laughter and conversation continued to grow until we’d run out of lobby chairs to relocate. Some people tried to bring out chairs from the conference room, but the hotel management came to inform us that this was not allowed. So we moved the party into the conference room and put all the lobby chairs back where they went. Yes we are guests who rearrange the furniture, but we put it back when we’re done. Even in the conference room we had to drag in a couple of extra chairs. We sat in there for hours swapping stories and laughing a lot. The number of people went as high as 21 before people started trickling away to go find their beds. Howard and I were among the last to leave. I wanted to cling to that social time and not lose it with the same fervent emotion that had me wanting to hide in my room earlier in the day.
CONduit is continuing right now. Howard is still there. Many of my friends are still there. I am not because I need a day of respite before next week’s work. I need to go to church with th kids and maintain household stability. I am both sad to not be at CONduit right now and relieved. I want to talk and laugh more. I also want to sit here in my own bedroom sorting my thoughts by writing them down. Before I left for the convention my backyard neighbor told me to have fun. All I could answer was “I hope so.” Because conventions are highly stressful events for me. They are business time and I work hard. I worked particularly hard this time, faced with three panels/presentations where I was in charge, and a book launch party. With so many daunting tasks ahead of me, I could not see the fun I would have. But now the daunting tasks are done. They went well. And the stress fades in my memory while the laughter remains. I had a good time. It was fun, and rewarding, and tiring, and successful, and I could have done better, but I did well enough. It is good.