When we hear about events, like the shooting at Virginia Tech yesterday, our instinct is to grab our loved ones and to huddle somewhere to keep them safe. We begin to look askance at that strange person down the street or down the hall. We wonder if he or she might be the next one to pull out a rifle and shoot people. We want to withdraw from these people in an attempt to keep ourselves safe.
This is exactly wrong.
If you want to prevent an event like Columbine or Virginia Tech, you should befriend those with no friends. People with friends and social contacts do not spiral in loneliness and despair. People with something to live for do not share their pain by firing a gun. Every case of a mass shooting features a shooter who was called a “loner.” Think about it. You know a loner. Have you said hello lately? Smiled? Validated that person’s existence? You don’t have to be best friends or hang out all the time. You don’t have to put yourself in frightening situations. All you have to do is meet the loner’s eyes and treat him like a person instead of an obstacle.
Most loners will never be violent. Violence is a choice. Most people with the same amount of pain as yesterday’s shooter choose other ways to deal with it. This is admirable. But life would be better for everyone if there are a dozen friendly people nearby to ease the pain.
We are not powerless to prevent violence. All day, every day, good people do a million things to help each other, to prevent people from being driven to violent extremes. Look around you and see who needs your friendship today. That is what you can do.
Wonderful advice. I’m going to make extra efforts to be friendly with those I don’t know. Thanks for the friendly push! 🙂
Wonderful advice. I’m going to make extra efforts to be friendly with those I don’t know. Thanks for the friendly push! 🙂
Thank you, for saying what needed to be said.
Thank you, for saying what needed to be said.
Umm, I didn’t realize that was still my icon, and given what you’re talking about in this entry, it seems wrong….sorry about that!
Umm, I didn’t realize that was still my icon, and given what you’re talking about in this entry, it seems wrong….sorry about that!
I hate to counter you, but there are many reports that the shooter would not respond to anyone when he was alone. Many people were friendly and got no response whatsoever. It’s been said in multiple interviews.
Although I believe your advice is sound in general, it does not seem to apply in this situation. There are times when a person’s mental health is their own responsibility, or the responsibility of their family to escalate to treatment. (Yeah, I know that is very vague and hard to apply, but there it is.)
I DO believe that we need to reach out to others with kindness even when it is taxing, and it’s a good message to send to others. Sometimes, though, the situation is out of our control.
I hate to counter you, but there are many reports that the shooter would not respond to anyone when he was alone. Many people were friendly and got no response whatsoever. It’s been said in multiple interviews.
Although I believe your advice is sound in general, it does not seem to apply in this situation. There are times when a person’s mental health is their own responsibility, or the responsibility of their family to escalate to treatment. (Yeah, I know that is very vague and hard to apply, but there it is.)
I DO believe that we need to reach out to others with kindness even when it is taxing, and it’s a good message to send to others. Sometimes, though, the situation is out of our control.
Just as an addition. I realize that we will never truly know the situation at any point. We are only going to hear other people’s accounts and reports. Many, many things will be said about the shooter as well as the victims and we can only determine what we perceive to be a truth. No one can really ever know what is behind another persons eyes. We can try to be as kind as we want, but strangers can only have limited influence.
Just as an addition. I realize that we will never truly know the situation at any point. We are only going to hear other people’s accounts and reports. Many, many things will be said about the shooter as well as the victims and we can only determine what we perceive to be a truth. No one can really ever know what is behind another persons eyes. We can try to be as kind as we want, but strangers can only have limited influence.
Part of what you said actually supports my point. There were friends and family who might have been able to make a difference. I put the emphasis here on might, because the second part of your point is very valid. We must all be responsible for ourselves. That this young man shot people is not the fault of his family or friends or the others living in his dorm. If he was truly mentally ill, it may not even be his fault.
Fault doesn’t matter. What matters is going forward and making sure we all do what we can to lessen the amount of pain in the world.
Part of what you said actually supports my point. There were friends and family who might have been able to make a difference. I put the emphasis here on might, because the second part of your point is very valid. We must all be responsible for ourselves. That this young man shot people is not the fault of his family or friends or the others living in his dorm. If he was truly mentally ill, it may not even be his fault.
Fault doesn’t matter. What matters is going forward and making sure we all do what we can to lessen the amount of pain in the world.
Prevention
Anytime you do prevention, if it is sending an aircraft carrier somewhere, or befriending someone, or feeding the stray cat in the alley, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. but if you dont do anything, the number of wars, killings, and hungry stray cats will do nothing but increase. It is a battle that can’t be won, and these are things that can’t be stopped… but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something, or that what is done doesn’t have value in the doeing.
Perhaps there would have been another event like VT at a college in Orem if someone hadn’t given a kid a ride when he really needed it, even though he might have looked a little seedy and friendless. Probably not, but if so, a hundred, a thousand of these “nice things” are worth preventing another massacar. And as a bonus, they make you feel better for doing them! (even feeding the stray cats!)
Dan Strohl
Prevention
Anytime you do prevention, if it is sending an aircraft carrier somewhere, or befriending someone, or feeding the stray cat in the alley, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. but if you dont do anything, the number of wars, killings, and hungry stray cats will do nothing but increase. It is a battle that can’t be won, and these are things that can’t be stopped… but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something, or that what is done doesn’t have value in the doeing.
Perhaps there would have been another event like VT at a college in Orem if someone hadn’t given a kid a ride when he really needed it, even though he might have looked a little seedy and friendless. Probably not, but if so, a hundred, a thousand of these “nice things” are worth preventing another massacar. And as a bonus, they make you feel better for doing them! (even feeding the stray cats!)
Dan Strohl
One of the few actual solutions I’ve seen out there to this problem. Everyone else is giving out solutions that just won’t do anything or already failed even in this instance.
One of the few actual solutions I’ve seen out there to this problem. Everyone else is giving out solutions that just won’t do anything or already failed even in this instance.