Last week Kiki babysat the other three kids and it did not go well. A major reason it did not go well is because Kiki started romping with the kids. Then everyone was wound up and disinclined to be cooperative about going to bed. In the post sadness debriefing I talked to Kiki about why winding the kids up right before bed isn’t the best idea. I believe my exact words were “The problem with roughhousing is that it goes: Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun SAD.”
A similar problem can be noted with holiday celebrations. The first three weeks of December are packed with endless places to go and things to do. Everyone rushes about and anticipation builds for the big event. But then very suddenly the big event is over. Often in the wake of the celebration there is a feeling of emptiness or depression. When the kids are roughhousing I’ve learned to tell when Fun is just about to turn to SAD. If I take quick action, I can prevent the sadness from occurring so that everyone walks away remembering only the fun. Similarly, I’ve learned some steps to take to prevent the post holiday sadness. It doesn’t always work completely. It particularly does not work if I forget to do the steps, but many of these ideas have helped me in the past.
Pace the pre-holiday festivities. The key to this one is to slow down in advance of the holiday so that you don’t arrive exhausted. It seems like every organization in existence needs to have its own holiday event. I skip many of them, only attending where I will truly enjoy the event or where my absence would hurt someone else. I also strive to keep the kids’ schedules as normal as possible. I don’t want them arriving at the holiday exhausted either because exhausted kids throw tantrums and tantrums cause stress for everyone.
Eat healthy. Treat food is everywhere, but our bodies and minds perform poorly without good nutrition. We are particularly careful about this on Christmas morning. We require the kids to all eat a breakfast that has protein in it. This year we failed to require a healthy lunch and as a result there was some afternoon crankiness. The healthy dinner went fairly untouched because the kids had eaten their weight in cereal, but at least it was there.
Savor the holiday. After the pre-holiday rush, it is tempting to rush through the holiday traditions as well. The kids certainly want to. They want to tear open all the packages as fast as possible. Howard and I consider it our duty to drag our feet as much as possible on Christmas morning. We make the kids wait until 7 am to wake us up. We require them to clean up, get dressed, and have breakfast between the Christmas morning surprises and the present opening. Then we require them to take turns so that everyone can see every present opened. Slowing things down allows us all to enjoy the day more. Once the last present is opened, the festivities are done. Howard knows a family that hides all the presents so that the kids spend all day finding their gifts. It is a fascinating idea for extending the holiday. We may try it some year.
Plan events for after the holiday. One of my favorite Christmases had several small gift exchange events on several different days after Christmas. I loved this because when the last present was opened on Christmas day there was still a small thing to look forward to. The big presents all came on Christmas, but the small exchanges later still felt wonderful. And by spreading the gifts out, each gift was appreciated more. Another simple post holiday thing I do is to buy myself a lily plant. It blooms into January and so I have something lovely to look forward to.
Don’t overload. The first bite of your favorite dessert is heavenly, but as you keep eating each bite is less and less special. Eventually you don’t even want dessert anymore. The time to stop eating is when you’re still enjoying the dessert. Figuring out what that point is for gifts can be tricky. It can be especially tricky when there are many loving adults who want to delight the children. But everyone will be happier with the holiday if the kids are not overloaded. Overload prevention can be accomplished simply by spacing out the gift giving onto different days.
Over the years many of these steps have become as instinctive to Howard and I as listening to the roughhousing and knowing when to step in. I’m sure there are many other things that can help. I’d love to hear suggestions.
Gift spreading ideas
Here’s a couple ways we use to spread the gift giving to before the “big event”.
My parents have a family party where they do dinner and give presents to each of the children and grandchildren (and now great-grandchildren). This means the kids have a present “now” instead of having to wait until the 25th.
Especially when our kids were small, we’d let them open one gift on Christmas eve (from a “named” person since Santa hadn’t arrived yet). That gave them something to enjoy or play with for a while before bed.
Other cultures do gift giving different ways. My family imported one from Holland called “St. Nicholas Night” which is on the 5th of December. The Dutch tradition is to give gifts then and leave the 25th as a religious day. But my parents used it to give a small gift early in the season to settle down the “gimme” impulse of small kids. It was almost always something small (usually it fit inside a shoe), and almost always not very expensive.
Another tradition my family used to encourage the “healthy breakfast” on Christmas was to say we could open anything in our stockings (there was usually one or two small presents, plus cereal and nuts and an orange). However, the main gift opening didn’t come until everyone had sat down to a special family breakfast.