From the moment I send friends away so we could have dinner and homework, Link transformed into the walking manifestation of contrary. From refusing to come for dinner until I scolded him at high volume, to making a whining screech when anyone dared speak to him, to shooting dirty looks at everyone, Link made Oscar the Grouch look like Mr. Rogers. I got frustrated quickly, but I noticed that any angry response to his behavior only made things worse. Link was looking for a fight. I knew why. He had a writing assignment and he was mad at the world about it. He hates writing. Unfortunately for him, this is the year that I have decided that he must practice writing. He’s significantly below grade level and I’m convinced that this can be remedied if only we can force him to actually practice instead of avoid. He was attempting to continue to avoid writing by making the experience so unpleasant that I would give up. This was not a conscious effort on his part. He was not aware that this was why he was being so awful.
The solution was for me to clear the room of all other people except me and Link. He was trying to provoke reactions which would distract us all from the assignment. I denied him those reactions. I even told the other kids that this was what I was doing while Link was listening. Then I remained calm and insistent while bringing him back on task. I rewarded effort by providing drinks of milk or snacks. I praised where I could and did not react to bad behaviors. It took an exhausting 90 minutes, but the assignment got done. (Amusingly the assignment was to write about school subjects he hated.) Then Link stomped off to his room.
I turned my attentions to the other kids. It was not long before Link was back. He had calmed down and was very apologetic for all the trouble he had caused. He felt really bad about it. He even made a plan to make things up to everyone. I think the right lessons were learned. I just hope that the penitence can last long enough to get him established in the habit of writing without being completely upset about it. But even if the penitence doesn’t last, my determination needs to. This is what my son needs from me right now. He needs me to make him do this thing he hates enough so that it gets easier for him. Once it is easier, I think he will stop hating it so much.
I predict a string of exhausting homework times ahead.