Writing and cleaning

Tomorrow I need to unpack my writer brain and work on an essay revision. Part of me longs to return to focused writing. Another part dreads the return of ambitious thoughts. I’m still soul-tired from the schedule this past summer. I’m still not feeling balanced in the school schedule or the finances. There are still emotional and actual bills to be paid. I would love to let all of that settle out. Then I would get bored. And then I would be excited to take on a new project, which could be writing.

I cleaned my front room yesterday. I think this is the first time it has been orderly since school let out. It was so nice that I cleaned up the kitchen as well. Both still need detail work, but the central spaces are open, ready for whatever comes next. I want that in the rest of the house. I want that in my mind and heart. Both are full of things not put away, things broken, things new, things old, things which are no longer useful, things for which I must make places. I want time to sort through the mess, not quickly but thoroughly. I want to organize closets. I want to haul out bags of garbage. And suddenly I realize that I am ready for a project. Cleaning is my project. But I am not going to attack it with energy, just do a little each day until I meander my way to a good place.

I still have to revise tomorrow. There is a deadline. Pulling out the writing thoughts will change my internal emotional landscape. But I think it is a necessary part of the clean up. I was going to have to organize that closet anyway.