This past weekend was pretty stressful. I didn’t realize exactly how stressful until last night after I put the kids into bed. With no kids needing me to be strong I wandered into Howard’s office where, two minutes into an unrelated conversation, I burst into tears. Once the storm was over I was able to realize that all during the medical crisis I’d bottled up my emotions. I put them away so that I could manage things. It should not surprise me that when I pulled the cork out emotions went fizzing all over the room. Howard held me and told me it was all okay and that I’d done a fantastic job. In times of crisis it is important that I be able to shove emotion out of the way. It is equally important that I deal with the emotions later.
I’m still sorting through my feelings and thoughts this morning. This medical adventure will probably cost us 2 months worth of living expenses because we carry a pretty high deductible on our insurance. This would have thrown me into a financial panic two months ago. But Howards press match book arrived this morning, we’ll be opening pre-orders sometime today or first thing tomorrow. The sale of the book will change our financial future. The loss of two months expenses doesn’t much affect the fact that the future of Howard’s cartooning depends on the sale of the book. However the sudden medical expenses do force me to take a close look at the tightrope we’re walking. Our savings net is nowhere near big enough. Right now I really want to book to sell well so that I can stash money and build a bigger net. Today life feels a bit more precarious in more ways than one.
I’m not the only one who feels like life is more precarious than it was two days ago. Patches also had a delayed reaction last night. From his perspective mommy just disappeared for 36 hours. I don’t even think I told him goodbye when I departed to take Gleek to the doctor. Then daddy left too and he was left with Chalain and Chaliren. This was followed by an overnight stay at his cousin’s house. At the time these things were happening he was happy to have the adventure. He told me he had fun and wasn’t sad at all. However, when we came to pick him up from his cousin’s house he did not run away and beg to stay. He came right to me and hugged me tight.
At home things reverted to normal. Patches played happily with his siblings all afternoon. He even went to bed without arguement. But alone in his bed in the dark the new found insecurities preyed upon him and he began to cry. Like me, his cork came loose. Fortunately I was just done venting when he began. I scooped him out of bed and asked him what was wrong. He couldn’t tell me. He didn’t have words for what he was feeling, but he clung tight to me. At Howard’s sugguestion I tucked Patches into bed with me. This made him happy. He lay next to me in the bed and chattered about his day while he played with a glow in the dark star. I have to confess that I kept drifting off to sleep. I was so exhausted.
After awhile it wasn’t enough for Patches to just be in bed with mommy, he needed me to hold him too. So I tucked him into the snuggle spot and he lay there snuggly-safe and continued to play and talk. Patches only snuggles when he needs comforting. When he is playing he wants his own space. I talked to him a little to see if I could help him work through what he was feeling. Unfortunately he’s not really old enough to analyse his thoughts and feelings. I could only watch his reactions to my conversational sallies to find out where the sad spots were. As I suspected, he loved having Chalain and Chaliren over, he loved having a slumber party with his cousin, most of what happened was new and interesting for him. But when I said “was mommy gone?” his face crumpled a little and a pout began to emerge, then he grabbed his blanket hugged it and changed the subject. I didn’t persue the topic. I wanted this to be a snuggly-reassurance time not a delving difficult emotions time. Patches continued to talk and play for awhile and I began drifting off to sleep again. Finally he began to feel sleepy and he scooted out of the snuggle and over onto his daddy’s pillow to fall asleep.
I don’t know if I’ll continue to see delayed reactions from Patches. Probably, because he now lives in a world where it is possible for mommy to disapear without warning. I’ll have to be extra careful and nice to both Patches and Gleek today. Hopefully if there are other repressed emotions or delayed reactions I’ll recognize them for what they are.
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And you worry about your parenting skills?
I’m half-tempted to holler “Bravo!” (which would get me funny glances, I’m sure). IMO, that’s master-class parenting.
I’m GLAD you let it out – bottled up emotions tend to fester, and I know too few really, intrinsically nice people. Thumbs up to Howard for being there for you too, not that I’d have expected anything different from him. *grin* And two thumbs up in an inimitably poor Fonzie imitation for your helping Patches in such a caring way.
-John (slightly scattered, but happy for y’all)
…
And you worry about your parenting skills?
I’m half-tempted to holler “Bravo!” (which would get me funny glances, I’m sure). IMO, that’s master-class parenting.
I’m GLAD you let it out – bottled up emotions tend to fester, and I know too few really, intrinsically nice people. Thumbs up to Howard for being there for you too, not that I’d have expected anything different from him. *grin* And two thumbs up in an inimitably poor Fonzie imitation for your helping Patches in such a caring way.
-John (slightly scattered, but happy for y’all)
I take the first part of that to mean that they meet expectations… Would we be allowed a couple of digital pics of the book (I’ve not checked Shlock since LATE last night for the new strip, so I don’t know if he’s got pics there)?
Second, I have a feeling that the fairly rabid fans that have gathered under the Flag of Tagon will be responding with high-volume purchases…
Not to mention the number of people who’ll be paying for signatures…
Heck, I’m planning on 3 books myself, at least one of which will be graced by Howard’s John Hancock…
You better spring for something for strained wrists… I have a feeling that his signature hand will be quite busy…
I take the first part of that to mean that they meet expectations… Would we be allowed a couple of digital pics of the book (I’ve not checked Shlock since LATE last night for the new strip, so I don’t know if he’s got pics there)?
Second, I have a feeling that the fairly rabid fans that have gathered under the Flag of Tagon will be responding with high-volume purchases…
Not to mention the number of people who’ll be paying for signatures…
Heck, I’m planning on 3 books myself, at least one of which will be graced by Howard’s John Hancock…
You better spring for something for strained wrists… I have a feeling that his signature hand will be quite busy…
I’m sure this was all helped in some way by all the prayers and faith during the conference weekend. Although through all the ordeal you may not have had a chance to see much of Conference.
I myself look forward to the wonderful union for time and eternity sometime in the near future. I may be a guy, but I’m told I’m going to be great father. I just hope that I can learn these kinds of parenting skills, and develop the muscle memory to use them as the two of you have.
If life were more like a video game, I would always know which weapon to pull out to fight the fiery darts. I would know what armor to prepare with. I would see my enemy whether great or small. However it is not so. Trials and ordeals come at us and we must be prepared with our faith and beliefs that will protect us.
Thank you Sandra for you support of our favorite Schlocker.
I’m sure this was all helped in some way by all the prayers and faith during the conference weekend. Although through all the ordeal you may not have had a chance to see much of Conference.
I myself look forward to the wonderful union for time and eternity sometime in the near future. I may be a guy, but I’m told I’m going to be great father. I just hope that I can learn these kinds of parenting skills, and develop the muscle memory to use them as the two of you have.
If life were more like a video game, I would always know which weapon to pull out to fight the fiery darts. I would know what armor to prepare with. I would see my enemy whether great or small. However it is not so. Trials and ordeals come at us and we must be prepared with our faith and beliefs that will protect us.
Thank you Sandra for you support of our favorite Schlocker.
Sandra and I caught almost NO conference. I got to hear Pres. Hinckley’s talk Sunday morning while I was in the car, and that was about it.
Granted, if I had to pick a bit to not miss, that’s the bit I would have picked.
–Howard
Sandra and I caught almost NO conference. I got to hear Pres. Hinckley’s talk Sunday morning while I was in the car, and that was about it.
Granted, if I had to pick a bit to not miss, that’s the bit I would have picked.
–Howard
Did you know you can watch it all on BYU TV? Just go to http://www.byu.tv using IE and get the active x thingy. Then you can pretty much view anything that’s been on BYU TV in the last few days (at least as far as I know of.) Just use the sliders and such. And hey, Schlock on!
Did you know you can watch it all on BYU TV? Just go to http://www.byu.tv using IE and get the active x thingy. Then you can pretty much view anything that’s been on BYU TV in the last few days (at least as far as I know of.) Just use the sliders and such. And hey, Schlock on!
You can also go to http://www.lds.org and click on the link in 176th Annual General Conference. Audio and video archives of the conference are available on the conference archive page. You can listen to everything but the priesthood session. Come thursday or so you can read all of the talks on the site too.
You can also go to http://www.lds.org and click on the link in 176th Annual General Conference. Audio and video archives of the conference are available on the conference archive page. You can listen to everything but the priesthood session. Come thursday or so you can read all of the talks on the site too.