This morning I went to Link’s school to discuss his class placement. He wanted a male teacher, I felt like it would be a good thing. Last spring I put in a request to that effect. Last week I found that he’d been assigned to a female teacher rather than the male teacher in his grade. I really needed to understand why my request was ignored and I needed to understand how this whole class selection process works.
I prepared in advance for this meeting. I dressed nicely on purpose because appearances matter. I wanted to walk into the meeting and send a message that I was a competant, caring parent who honestly wanted to understand. I also wanted to send the message that I truly value the administrator’s proffessional input. I went in person because I wanted to stand out from the throng of parents who were submitting written requests for changing their child’s placement. I very definitely did not want to start a war over this. I’m going to have to work with these teachers and administrators for another 10 years. I don’t want them labelling me as a problem parent because I may require their help in the future. The time may come for me to start a war, this issue may be the cause for which I start the war, but I don’t want to arrive with guns blazing when diplomacy might gain my point.
So, in a very careful frame of mind I went into the meeting. I learned several things both good and bad. First I learned that Link’s scheduled teacher is young, female, and very energetic. The male teacher for that grade is soft spoken. This information caused me to re-evaluate my request. Link has responded to energetic male teachers and his female teachers have all been soft-spoken. I think that the energetic/soft-spoken dynamic is more important than the male/female dynamic. Link needs an energetic teacher, one he can’t tune out. I’d love for the teacher to be male and energetic, but that isn’t an option for this year. It turns out that he already has the best placement possible. I declined to move him.
I knew walking in that class placement is a highly charged issue. I met with both the principal and the placement administrator. I could tell that they were prepared for a battle. They’ve fought battles before. They have to deal with hostile parents every single year. I could see that they were trying to be open and helpful, but they were ready to entrench and defend if necessary. Once they realized that I had no intention of going ballistic, they went beyond the call of duty. The placement administrator went to the point of walking me down to Link’s future classroom and showing me how it was being set up. The administrators really do care for the welfare of the children, but they also have to defend themselves and their system from aggressive parents. Sometimes parents interpret this as caring for the system more than the kids.
The bad things I learned were about the system itself. I placed a request last May. By the time I was allowed to place that request classes had already been assigned. Class lists were set last May, but no one would tell any parents what they were until August. This morning I got to see the request sheet. My request was near the bottom of the list and dated for July. I turned it in in May, it must have gotten lost somehow. The administrator hastened to assure me that my request had not been ignored. She really didn’t like me using the word ‘ignored.’ She informed me that none of the requests had been considered yet. I let this tidbit pass without comment, but I wonder why they bother to allow requests at all if they won’t be considered until after class lists are published? The answer is that they don’t like to allow parent requests. Parent requests create lots of administrative problems and extra work. But they also can’t exclude parents entirely, so they have a week were placement requests are allowed. This allows parents to feel that they are doing something, but the request may or may not have any effect on class placement depending on space, move outs, move ins, and other factors.
Another disturbing thing is that I am unable to find anyone who takes responsiblity for assigning the teacher my son got. Last year’s teacher implied that it was done by computer. I know that the teachers at each grade level have a meeting about placements, but last year’s teacher didn’t know anything about the teachers for the next grade level because they were all new. How are they supposed to make considered placements that way? Can it really be called a placement meeting when what the teachers are really doing is merely tweaking a computer generated list? The administrators imply that class placement is based on this placement meeting, but the teachers I’ve talked to imply that the placement is based on an administrator list. Everyone implies that someone else is in charge. I wonder if no one is really in charge or if they are all trying to be professionally courteous and not give parents anyone to specifically attack. I would be much happier if I believed that someone at the school was really looking at the needs of my son and making a considered decision about which class he should be in for the next year. I don’t feel like that is happening. I got lucky this year, at least I hope I did. This is not my year to go to battle, but I won’t be forgetting what I’ve learned about the system.
Class placement
Sadly it seems that class placement ends up being placing the “trouble” or “special needs” students and avoiding major conflicts with the other students. The other day I was speaking with the mother of a classmate of my daughter’s…she spoke of personal issues with the parents of another child…and knew that her child and the other child would never be placed in the same classroom due to these significant issues. I think administrators are putting out so many fires like this one, it’s difficult to actually “place” children with the “best” teacher for the child. Avoiding problems is a higher priority, I guess. I don’t know how to fix that. I’m thankful for good teachers this year who are well matched with my children. At least so far!!! (One week into school.)
I admire your preparation to meet with the school and “do the right thing” for your child. It can be exhausting to continue to do this…I’m still “working” for my children…from first grade to 11th. Today my fourth grader asked me what I did all day long while he was in school…Hmmm…. I started making the list of the things I do during the day, but then realized that the time I spend handling matters with teachers and school issues may not ever be recognized by my children. Maybe when they have children…
Class placement
Sadly it seems that class placement ends up being placing the “trouble” or “special needs” students and avoiding major conflicts with the other students. The other day I was speaking with the mother of a classmate of my daughter’s…she spoke of personal issues with the parents of another child…and knew that her child and the other child would never be placed in the same classroom due to these significant issues. I think administrators are putting out so many fires like this one, it’s difficult to actually “place” children with the “best” teacher for the child. Avoiding problems is a higher priority, I guess. I don’t know how to fix that. I’m thankful for good teachers this year who are well matched with my children. At least so far!!! (One week into school.)
I admire your preparation to meet with the school and “do the right thing” for your child. It can be exhausting to continue to do this…I’m still “working” for my children…from first grade to 11th. Today my fourth grader asked me what I did all day long while he was in school…Hmmm…. I started making the list of the things I do during the day, but then realized that the time I spend handling matters with teachers and school issues may not ever be recognized by my children. Maybe when they have children…
My mother is a pre-primary school teacher and has to deal with this every year. Since she teaches 3 year olds in their first year of schooling, placement is based mostly on maturity level while trying to keep the balance of gender (and race, to a lesser extent) within the classes. This is a nontrivial problem and even a small number of changes can throw the whole thing off in a big way. Then there are children with the same name. One year she had three Daniels, a Daniella and a Danielle.
My mother is a pre-primary school teacher and has to deal with this every year. Since she teaches 3 year olds in their first year of schooling, placement is based mostly on maturity level while trying to keep the balance of gender (and race, to a lesser extent) within the classes. This is a nontrivial problem and even a small number of changes can throw the whole thing off in a big way. Then there are children with the same name. One year she had three Daniels, a Daniella and a Danielle.
I find it interesting to see what parents will or won’t do when it comes to placement each year.
I’m fortunate – my child is one who gets along with almost everyone and quickly becomes a teacher’s pet, due to her maturity and intelligence. However, a few years ago, she was assigned to Mrs. H. “Oh, no – you poor thing!” was what I heard from almost every parent whose child had had this teacher.
Yes, Mrs. H was hard on the kids. The first few weeks of school, Roo came home in tears a number of times. I reminded her that even though she was only in 4th grade, this was good training for later on, because she wouldn’t always get along with those in authority.
By the end of the year, Roo thought Mrs. H was the best teacher, ever. She learned more under her, she felt, than she would have under one of the other fourth grade teachers.
I’ve never interfered in placement – sure, I’ve asked questions about classes, but I feel that it’s my job as a parent to help my child adapt to the situation and not adapt the situation to the child. I know I’m an oddity that way, though, and have gotten yelled at by a number of my peers locally for it 😉
I find it interesting to see what parents will or won’t do when it comes to placement each year.
I’m fortunate – my child is one who gets along with almost everyone and quickly becomes a teacher’s pet, due to her maturity and intelligence. However, a few years ago, she was assigned to Mrs. H. “Oh, no – you poor thing!” was what I heard from almost every parent whose child had had this teacher.
Yes, Mrs. H was hard on the kids. The first few weeks of school, Roo came home in tears a number of times. I reminded her that even though she was only in 4th grade, this was good training for later on, because she wouldn’t always get along with those in authority.
By the end of the year, Roo thought Mrs. H was the best teacher, ever. She learned more under her, she felt, than she would have under one of the other fourth grade teachers.
I’ve never interfered in placement – sure, I’ve asked questions about classes, but I feel that it’s my job as a parent to help my child adapt to the situation and not adapt the situation to the child. I know I’m an oddity that way, though, and have gotten yelled at by a number of my peers locally for it 😉
Thank you
Thank you for this input. I remember being very frustrated by a similar experience with my nephews. When Alex first came to stay with us, he was in 5th grade and struggling with pretty huge emotional problems (mental health issues from both mom & dad’s genes and upbringing) and huge stressors (mom & dad had just divorced).
I went to the school to let them know that I wanted to be a resource for them to help Alex succeed. The response I got varied from “projectile apathy” to defensiveness to the point of being preemptively hostile. It was extremely frustrating. Now I can sort of see why.
I spoke with a teacher in my ward the other day and she was astounded that I had gone in to speak on behalf of my nephew. Apparently this type of parenting approach is so rare as to be considered nonexistent, or at least the stuff of legend.
If all the parents they deal with parents are soccer-mom-nutso, their behavior makes a lot of sense as a coping strategy.
Thank you
Thank you for this input. I remember being very frustrated by a similar experience with my nephews. When Alex first came to stay with us, he was in 5th grade and struggling with pretty huge emotional problems (mental health issues from both mom & dad’s genes and upbringing) and huge stressors (mom & dad had just divorced).
I went to the school to let them know that I wanted to be a resource for them to help Alex succeed. The response I got varied from “projectile apathy” to defensiveness to the point of being preemptively hostile. It was extremely frustrating. Now I can sort of see why.
I spoke with a teacher in my ward the other day and she was astounded that I had gone in to speak on behalf of my nephew. Apparently this type of parenting approach is so rare as to be considered nonexistent, or at least the stuff of legend.
If all the parents they deal with parents are soccer-mom-nutso, their behavior makes a lot of sense as a coping strategy.
At least your children are still letting you help them with what is best for them instead of demanding what they want… which may or may not be thebest thing for them. Emily is still letting me… but Liz has decided that all teachers are horrible, her administrators are on drugs and every one on her bus hates her. Right now she is trying to find any other ride to school than the two options I have given her which are the bus or ride in with the assisitant principle who lives about 4 houses down on our street. What she wants is for a friend to come pick her up and drive her to school and then home because she is too good to ride the bus.
So I am not fighting the system for her… I am fighting her over the system which I am insisting she use. (I can’t drive her to school… Em is still asleep at that time of morning and she gets too little sleep as it is.)
Just right now, I wish I had a Daddy to use his ‘ultra voice’ on her!
At least your children are still letting you help them with what is best for them instead of demanding what they want… which may or may not be thebest thing for them. Emily is still letting me… but Liz has decided that all teachers are horrible, her administrators are on drugs and every one on her bus hates her. Right now she is trying to find any other ride to school than the two options I have given her which are the bus or ride in with the assisitant principle who lives about 4 houses down on our street. What she wants is for a friend to come pick her up and drive her to school and then home because she is too good to ride the bus.
So I am not fighting the system for her… I am fighting her over the system which I am insisting she use. (I can’t drive her to school… Em is still asleep at that time of morning and she gets too little sleep as it is.)
Just right now, I wish I had a Daddy to use his ‘ultra voice’ on her!
Actually I use just that approach for most of my kids most of the time. Link has taken potluck the last two years. Kiki is in 6th grade and I’ve only requested a teacher for her once. Kiki also had a teacher that I was warned about and had a wonderful year. I have no idea who Gleek’s kindergarten teacher is this year, but I’m not very concerned about it. She’ll be fine.
Link was not fine last year. He survived, barely, he definitetly did not thrive. This year I felt it was important for me to pay attention to his placement and possibly intervene if I saw a problem.
Bright, stable children can do well under almost any teacher. Struggling children can be destroyed by the wrong one.
Actually I use just that approach for most of my kids most of the time. Link has taken potluck the last two years. Kiki is in 6th grade and I’ve only requested a teacher for her once. Kiki also had a teacher that I was warned about and had a wonderful year. I have no idea who Gleek’s kindergarten teacher is this year, but I’m not very concerned about it. She’ll be fine.
Link was not fine last year. He survived, barely, he definitetly did not thrive. This year I felt it was important for me to pay attention to his placement and possibly intervene if I saw a problem.
Bright, stable children can do well under almost any teacher. Struggling children can be destroyed by the wrong one.
There are times to fight for your children and there are times to let them fight their own battles. You are wise to know which is which.
There are times to fight for your children and there are times to let them fight their own battles. You are wise to know which is which.
It sounds like Link will at least have an opportunity at a different experience–one that may work better for him than the last two–so that’s good. Here’s hoping it’s what he needs!
It sounds like Link will at least have an opportunity at a different experience–one that may work better for him than the last two–so that’s good. Here’s hoping it’s what he needs!
You get to choose?
Honestly, my own experience with all schools was such that I have difficulty even conceiving of allowing anyone buy family, or perhaps hand-picked teachers instruct my children. Fortunately, we don’t have any children yet.
You get to choose?
Honestly, my own experience with all schools was such that I have difficulty even conceiving of allowing anyone buy family, or perhaps hand-picked teachers instruct my children. Fortunately, we don’t have any children yet.