Subject 1:
My sister Nancy was talking in her blog about the relationship between writers and editors. She explains how she used to feel like they were gods and demigods, but has since grown to view them as peers and business partners. She’s also achieved some demi-god status as a slush reader for Baen and was wondering what she can do to help other writers come to the same realization of editors as human beings. My response to her:
Let me ask you this, when did you really feel like a grown up? I first felt grown up when I made a major decision based on my own internal guidance without reference to parental opinions. To quote Bujold “Adulthood isn’t an award they’ll give you for being a good child…You have to just take it. Give it to yourself.”
For the relationship between an editor and a writer to become business-like the writer has to decide to “grow-up” and stop kow-towing. The actions of the editor can facilitate the writer in doing this, but ultimately the writer has to reach out and take it.
The difference between and aspiring writer and a writer is only in the label that the writer applies to herself.
Subject 2:
Howard has been working on sketch editions all afternoon. Hopefully he’ll be able to finish his quota of 200. Whether he does or not, he is going to be tired and sore. I spent lots of time today hauling books to Kiki so that she could stamp them. Then I hauled them into Howard’s office to await sketching. Then I hauled 200 of them to Howard’s car so he could take them to the Keep and draw in them. Then I sat hunched at my computer printing out labels for a couple of hours. I have muscles which are seriously unhappy at my choices of activity. This next week is going to be exhausting. But I’m so glad it is here. I’m so glad that books are continuing to sell. I’m so glad to get the huge weight of unsent orders off of my brain. Life is good.
Subject 3:
On a typical Saturday I will give Link a list of chores to do. Usually he glances at the list, feels overwhelmed, and goes off to play. So I’ll go to him and tell him which chore to start on. If the chore is straightforward like emptying a trashcan, he’ll do it willingly. If the chore is something like picking up his bedroom floor or folding and putting away clothes, he won’t be able to rap his head around it. He just doesn’t even know where or how to start. So I’ll stand there and say “Now put away the shoes. Now put away the ball. Now put away the…” Occasionally he has days where he can prioritize by himself and do his work solo, but only if he is extremely motivated by a very shiny reward. Even then, it takes hours, because he spends half the time distracted.
Today Link looked at our family room strewn with toys and began to work. He’d pick up a toy that belonged in his room, deliver it there, and come straight back in less than 30 seconds. He kept an accurate count of all the toys he picked up all the way to 200. He even created a tally sheet to help with the counting. Let me emphasize this: He decided to create a tally sheet, created it, and then went back to work rather than beginning to draw cartoon characters for an hour. He worked hard, was tired, and decided to take a break. So he set a 5 minute timer for himself. During his break he played happily. Then the moment the timer beeped, he jumped to his feet, turned off the timer and went back to work. He gave himself timed breaks several times. Eventually he wore out and asked if he could be done. I told him that he could, but that he’d have to empty his laundry basket later. He then played happily and watched movies for a good part of the afternoon. When I got out the ice cream and announced that only kids who were finished with their chores could have ice cream, Link announced that he was going to empty his laundry basket. 15 minutes later he returned downstairs with the empty basket. I do not think that Link has EVER emptied his laundry basket without help.
I’m thinking that the medication has an effect on him. I’m cautious about this assessment because one day isn’t enough for an accurate baseline. At one point this morning I was a little worried that maybe the medicine was hyping him up too much. But he reassured me by relaxing most of the afternoon. I’ve watched him all day for any negative side effects. I haven’t seen any yet. He’s just Link. He’s Link, only he can get his work done. He felt great about today. He felt great about himself. Today we got to praise him for the fantastic job he was doing rather than having to scold him for things left undone.
Yeah, that wasn’t “hyper link”… That was “able to focus and do things, so he looks hyper” Link…
Isn’t the difference neat?
Yeah, that wasn’t “hyper link”… That was “able to focus and do things, so he looks hyper” Link…
Isn’t the difference neat?
So, when I was a kid, I was unmedicated add too, (still am, but I have way more coping strategies than I did in 2nd grade. I still don’t perform at my 100 percent best most of the time, but I can get by and even excel much more easily than when I was little.
The first coping strategy I ever had was given to me in 1st grade by my teacher. I used to ace their tests and do horribly on every thing else in class. My teacher gave me a timer, and when I had the timer ticking down, I had a much easier time focusing on the task at hand. To the point that my grades went from adequate in everything but spelling and handwriting (The second of which I wasn’t supposed to have a grade in. On top of add, I had a fairly serious lack of small motor skills. I’ve been able to get better about that, but my handwriting is still attrocious and I’ll never type 80 wpm. On the other hand, if you throw something at me and I’m not paying close attention, I can grab it out of the air essentially every time.) That timer was a constant companion at school through second grade, and it did a lot of good. I’m impressed that your son has worked out the timer trick for himself.
So, when I was a kid, I was unmedicated add too, (still am, but I have way more coping strategies than I did in 2nd grade. I still don’t perform at my 100 percent best most of the time, but I can get by and even excel much more easily than when I was little.
The first coping strategy I ever had was given to me in 1st grade by my teacher. I used to ace their tests and do horribly on every thing else in class. My teacher gave me a timer, and when I had the timer ticking down, I had a much easier time focusing on the task at hand. To the point that my grades went from adequate in everything but spelling and handwriting (The second of which I wasn’t supposed to have a grade in. On top of add, I had a fairly serious lack of small motor skills. I’ve been able to get better about that, but my handwriting is still attrocious and I’ll never type 80 wpm. On the other hand, if you throw something at me and I’m not paying close attention, I can grab it out of the air essentially every time.) That timer was a constant companion at school through second grade, and it did a lot of good. I’m impressed that your son has worked out the timer trick for himself.
Wow, that’s impressive. Sounds like a wonderful start.
Wow, that’s impressive. Sounds like a wonderful start.
Wow. That’s really fantastic for Link! I’m glad it’s working out so well.
When did I first feel like a grown-up? I think it was when I realized that I was handling my life – paying bills, doing my job, keeping my bank account solvent, that sort of thing – all by myself, with no help or advice, and doing just fine: exactly what I’d always been told I could not do. I think I was 37.
Wow. That’s really fantastic for Link! I’m glad it’s working out so well.
When did I first feel like a grown-up? I think it was when I realized that I was handling my life – paying bills, doing my job, keeping my bank account solvent, that sort of thing – all by myself, with no help or advice, and doing just fine: exactly what I’d always been told I could not do. I think I was 37.
Oh thank God… I have time yet then… 🙂
Oh thank God… I have time yet then… 🙂
Hooray for Link!
ADD is really a tough thing to deal with – even now, I have tons of problems focusing and getting things done. After reading about your/Link’s experiences over the last few days, I’m thinking maybe I ought to swallow my pride and talk to my doctor about going back on meds for my ADHD – I’ve been off them for ten years, and I’ve been struggling every day.
Hooray for Link!
ADD is really a tough thing to deal with – even now, I have tons of problems focusing and getting things done. After reading about your/Link’s experiences over the last few days, I’m thinking maybe I ought to swallow my pride and talk to my doctor about going back on meds for my ADHD – I’ve been off them for ten years, and I’ve been struggling every day.
Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
I have what I call “good med days” and “bad med days”. My first day on ritalin was a really good med day: I got more software written in 10 hours than I had gotten done in the previous two weeks. Granted, I had been in a slump, but still…!
Now, you’ve just seen a good med day. Realize that this will probably be close to the top of Link’s performance arc, and most days will be less awe inspiring. And then there are what I call “bad med days”. Don’t panic: they’re only bad in comparison to this new amazing standard of “good”. A bad med day for me is typically about as good as a pretty good unmedicated day. I suspect they’re days when my ADD is raging and my body has gotten used to the ritalin.
I used to go off my meds if I had a run of bad days. This gives my body the chance to be “surprised” again by the ritalin when I start back up. It never fails–the first day back on the meds is always a good med day. Nowadays I only take meds at work, and skip my doses on weekends. I don’t get an automatic good med day on Monday, but I rarely have runs of bad med days either. Please note that “going off my meds” was under the direct supervision of my doctor. Don’t try this at home unless your doctor tells you to!
Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
I have what I call “good med days” and “bad med days”. My first day on ritalin was a really good med day: I got more software written in 10 hours than I had gotten done in the previous two weeks. Granted, I had been in a slump, but still…!
Now, you’ve just seen a good med day. Realize that this will probably be close to the top of Link’s performance arc, and most days will be less awe inspiring. And then there are what I call “bad med days”. Don’t panic: they’re only bad in comparison to this new amazing standard of “good”. A bad med day for me is typically about as good as a pretty good unmedicated day. I suspect they’re days when my ADD is raging and my body has gotten used to the ritalin.
I used to go off my meds if I had a run of bad days. This gives my body the chance to be “surprised” again by the ritalin when I start back up. It never fails–the first day back on the meds is always a good med day. Nowadays I only take meds at work, and skip my doses on weekends. I don’t get an automatic good med day on Monday, but I rarely have runs of bad med days either. Please note that “going off my meds” was under the direct supervision of my doctor. Don’t try this at home unless your doctor tells you to!
When Did I Grow Up?
Last night my mom was in town and and I took her to dinner. Partway through dinner she started dropping 50-ton hints about our not having children yet.
I carefully put down my knife and fork and said, “You know why you don’t have grandkids yet?”
She leaned forward and said, “No, why?”
With all seriousness of purpose, I pointed at my wife and said, “Because Chaliren used to be a guy.”
Fortunately we were at a nice enough restaurant that neither of them dared to throw food at me…. so, yeah. I guess the question “when did you grow up” works better in my case without the “when” at the front.
When Did I Grow Up?
Last night my mom was in town and and I took her to dinner. Partway through dinner she started dropping 50-ton hints about our not having children yet.
I carefully put down my knife and fork and said, “You know why you don’t have grandkids yet?”
She leaned forward and said, “No, why?”
With all seriousness of purpose, I pointed at my wife and said, “Because Chaliren used to be a guy.”
Fortunately we were at a nice enough restaurant that neither of them dared to throw food at me…. so, yeah. I guess the question “when did you grow up” works better in my case without the “when” at the front.
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
That is actually reassuring. I was a little worried about the pace he was running yesterday morning. This morning wasn’t quite as startling, but he still orchestrated a laundry basket race complete with decorated baskets and yarn layed out to define the course. I’m interested to see how school goes tomorrow.
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
That is actually reassuring. I was a little worried about the pace he was running yesterday morning. This morning wasn’t quite as startling, but he still orchestrated a laundry basket race complete with decorated baskets and yarn layed out to define the course. I’m interested to see how school goes tomorrow.
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
So is he by the way. The first words he spoke to me this morning: “Where’s my medecine!”
We asked at bedtime if he was looking forward to school and he said “Yes! I can listen now.”
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
So is he by the way. The first words he spoke to me this morning: “Where’s my medecine!”
We asked at bedtime if he was looking forward to school and he said “Yes! I can listen now.”
Re: When Did I Grow Up?
Oh you’ve grown up. I watched it happen, remember? But you also remember how to be a child. Some people grow up and forget. When you do manage to have kids this will make you a better parent because you’ll be able to sympathize.
When your mom starts asking about grandkids, maybe you should counter with a request for financial support to pay for the medical proceedures necessary to provide her with grandkids.
(BTW, we’d love to see your parents next time they pass through, it’s been years.)
Re: When Did I Grow Up?
Oh you’ve grown up. I watched it happen, remember? But you also remember how to be a child. Some people grow up and forget. When you do manage to have kids this will make you a better parent because you’ll be able to sympathize.
When your mom starts asking about grandkids, maybe you should counter with a request for financial support to pay for the medical proceedures necessary to provide her with grandkids.
(BTW, we’d love to see your parents next time they pass through, it’s been years.)
Re: When Did I Grow Up?
Doctor Who once said, “What’s the point of being an adult if you can’t act childish once in a while?” I trust him; he’s a doctor.
Well, my first answer was more fun, but yeah, I remember almost the exact moment I grew up. It was actually over the course of about 14 months but I have one startlingly clear memory from it all: My 25th birthday.
We were sitting in Tepanyaki, you and Howard had taken me out for my birthday and, quite frankly, to cheer me up. This was right after Denise had left, and my world was still pretty much upside-down over the whole mess. As was my wont, I was going over everything I had ever done wrong in my life and especially my marriage to arrive at where I was. (I found plenty of stuff to work on; if you and about ten other friends hadn’t been repeatedly insisting that “she was crazy” I don’t know if I’d have survived emotionally.)
Anyway, some time prior to this you had mentioned that maturity is being able to do what you dislike in order to get what you want later. As I sat in the restaurant, contrasting the pleasantness of the evening with… well, the REST of my life, I decided that my life to that point was the result of not being willing to do what I disliked, and that I’d better learn, and fast.
Prior to that time, I don’t know that I was capable of learning that lesson. Tying this back to ADD, some recent research has tied the hyperactivity and “poor judgment” symptoms of ADD to the timeframe in which the myelin sheath finishes growing in. It’s a covering around the neurons that attach between the brain and the spinal cord. In normal kids it grows in between age 14 and 18.
In ADD kids, it doesn’t show up until age 23-25. The hallmark behavior change of completion of the myelin sheath is the ability to suppress impulsive behavior.
So, *shrug*. I don’t know if I ever grew up, but I do know the exact moment my brains arrived. 🙂
Re: When Did I Grow Up?
Doctor Who once said, “What’s the point of being an adult if you can’t act childish once in a while?” I trust him; he’s a doctor.
Well, my first answer was more fun, but yeah, I remember almost the exact moment I grew up. It was actually over the course of about 14 months but I have one startlingly clear memory from it all: My 25th birthday.
We were sitting in Tepanyaki, you and Howard had taken me out for my birthday and, quite frankly, to cheer me up. This was right after Denise had left, and my world was still pretty much upside-down over the whole mess. As was my wont, I was going over everything I had ever done wrong in my life and especially my marriage to arrive at where I was. (I found plenty of stuff to work on; if you and about ten other friends hadn’t been repeatedly insisting that “she was crazy” I don’t know if I’d have survived emotionally.)
Anyway, some time prior to this you had mentioned that maturity is being able to do what you dislike in order to get what you want later. As I sat in the restaurant, contrasting the pleasantness of the evening with… well, the REST of my life, I decided that my life to that point was the result of not being willing to do what I disliked, and that I’d better learn, and fast.
Prior to that time, I don’t know that I was capable of learning that lesson. Tying this back to ADD, some recent research has tied the hyperactivity and “poor judgment” symptoms of ADD to the timeframe in which the myelin sheath finishes growing in. It’s a covering around the neurons that attach between the brain and the spinal cord. In normal kids it grows in between age 14 and 18.
In ADD kids, it doesn’t show up until age 23-25. The hallmark behavior change of completion of the myelin sheath is the ability to suppress impulsive behavior.
So, *shrug*. I don’t know if I ever grew up, but I do know the exact moment my brains arrived. 🙂
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
That’s… awesome.
Too many kids get on medication and think they’re broken on retarded. Link is going to go far: he looks at this as a feature to be exploited.
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
That’s… awesome.
Too many kids get on medication and think they’re broken on retarded. Link is going to go far: he looks at this as a feature to be exploited.
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
In the typical method of reading blogs backwards, I just got to this.
Chalain’s opinion on good vs bad days is entirely right. Um… I’m not sure how to explain it further, but the ‘surprised’ analogy is a good one. I often skip a weekend, as the body does start to adapt to it over time (There’s a biochemical reason, but I won’t go into that unless you’re actually interested), and giving it a break helps the body ‘forget’. Once or twice I’ve gone off the stuff for a whole week. It’s a pretty hopeless week, but as long as I didn’t have much to do it was relaxing in its own way, and boy oh boy the first couple days back on it are ‘Good’ days…
I’ve even taken to, when I have sufficient preperation time, actually skipping the stuff for a few days before the exam weeks start up – I don’t get much study done, but if it’s been a stressful semester the couple days of break mean I’m much less prone to ‘bad days’ (Which, as Chalain states, are not so much bad as ‘less-good’) in the crunch time of the exam study proper.
Oh, and if the lad is seeing it as a tool to be exploited than an issue of brokeness, he’s got the right attitude. My younger brother (ADHD) had it the other way around, until I pointed out (In typical brotherly love *cough*) that “if he was broken, then so was I, and was he calling me stupid by proxy, huh? Huh?” He stopped and thought about it for a bit, decided that perhaps this was not the best worldview to adopt, and promptly (And genuinely) cheered up. 😉
Re: Day 1 is Always a Good Med Day
In the typical method of reading blogs backwards, I just got to this.
Chalain’s opinion on good vs bad days is entirely right. Um… I’m not sure how to explain it further, but the ‘surprised’ analogy is a good one. I often skip a weekend, as the body does start to adapt to it over time (There’s a biochemical reason, but I won’t go into that unless you’re actually interested), and giving it a break helps the body ‘forget’. Once or twice I’ve gone off the stuff for a whole week. It’s a pretty hopeless week, but as long as I didn’t have much to do it was relaxing in its own way, and boy oh boy the first couple days back on it are ‘Good’ days…
I’ve even taken to, when I have sufficient preperation time, actually skipping the stuff for a few days before the exam weeks start up – I don’t get much study done, but if it’s been a stressful semester the couple days of break mean I’m much less prone to ‘bad days’ (Which, as Chalain states, are not so much bad as ‘less-good’) in the crunch time of the exam study proper.
Oh, and if the lad is seeing it as a tool to be exploited than an issue of brokeness, he’s got the right attitude. My younger brother (ADHD) had it the other way around, until I pointed out (In typical brotherly love *cough*) that “if he was broken, then so was I, and was he calling me stupid by proxy, huh? Huh?” He stopped and thought about it for a bit, decided that perhaps this was not the best worldview to adopt, and promptly (And genuinely) cheered up. 😉