New Assignment
The LDS (Mormon) church to which I belong does not employ clergy. All of the leadership positions in the congregation and auxiliaries are filled by volunteers. Because people tend not to jump up and down shouting “pick me” for the hard jobs, the volunteers are usually called in and asked to take on the responsibilities rather than waiting for someone to step forward of themselves. There is mild social pressure to say yes to one of these assignments, but there are no consequences for rejecting an assignment.
Two weeks ago I was asked to become the den leader for our congregation’s Webelos boy scout den. This is a group of boys aged 10. Right now there are only three, but by September when Link turns 10 there will be eight boys. I said yes to the assignment because I could see that this would be a good thing for me and for Link. I will get to spend time with my boy doing cool stuff. I’ll get to know most of the boys in our neighborhood who are his age. I’ll have a chance to build relationships with all of these boys. In addition, I believe that I am blessed every time I stretch myself to undertake one of these church assignments. The volunteer work enriches my life in ways that I don’t always expect. Saying yes was obviously the right answer. So I said yes even though I didn’t want the assignment.
It took me more than a week to sort out why logic and emotion were speaking to me so differently about this particular assignment. Everything logical told me it was good. I acted on the logic and took steps to acquire my materials and get oriented by the former leader. But in the back of my brain, emotion was jumping up and down while stamping her feet and shouting “I don’t wanna!”
At first I thought my emotional defiance was because of problems I have with the Boy Scouts of America, like their insistence on uniforms. I don’t mind if other people want to wear uniforms, but I hate to wear them myself. I’m going to have to wear an ugly shirt with patches all over it. This does not excite me. I also worried about the focus on earning badges. I’ve seen parents turn themselves inside out to make sure that their boy earns his badges. But the badges are supposed to represent an achievement by the boy, not piles of work done by the parents. Some of these concerns sorted themselves out as I thought about them. I realized that the badges provide a framework to motivate parents to spend time with their boys. So long as the parents don’t turn earning badges into a stress-fest, the boy will gain from the time and attention. The core point of boy scouts is for responsible adults to spend time with young boys, imparting values and building relationships. Everything else is window dressing. As a den leader I’ll have power to make sure that the emphasis is in the right place. It was another logical reason to accept the assignment, but didn’t solve the emotional issues.
I finally realized that the core of my emotional defiance was that in order to do “Webelos Den Leader” really right, I’m going to have to commit to 3-5 hours per week of work and I’m going to have to care about these boys. Both my time and my emotional resources are limited. I did not want to give up any of them. Taking the Den Leader position probably means less writing and a messier house, because I can’t afford to cut back on the business stuff and I won’t short change my kids.
My emotional turn-around came when I thought about how often I depend on the help of others to meet my kids’ needs. I depend on school teachers, and youth leaders, and Sunday school teachers, and friends’ parents to help me teach my kids the lessons they need; to keep them safe. For the safety net to be strong, the dependence can not flow all one way. The unspoken contract is that I must be willing to extend the same help and nurturing to the children of others. How many of the mothers of these boys are sitting at home praying that their boy gets a really good Den Leader? How can I not answer that prayer when the opportunity is handed to me? And so I will dive into this assignment. I will wear the ugly shirt. I will help boys and parents earn badges. I will spend the 3-5 hours per week. And I will grow to love these boys. I will do it all in the hope that somehow something I do will make a difference for one of them; that something I teach will stay with them and answer a future need. I will do it because I hope that others are out there doing the same thing for my kids when they are away from me.