Month: June 2007

Kiki babysat this evening. Bedtime did not go well. There was apparently a showdown between Kiki and Gleek that involved yelling and screaming from both of them. But Kiki did manage to get Gleek into bed. Then Kiki called me. She needed to confess and decompress about the yelling. I totally knew what she went through because I’ve been there. Often. Except that I’m usually dealing with four recalcitrant children instead of just three. Kiki spent a few minutes talking it through and we hung up.

When I got home I found Kiki in the rocking chair with almost-asleep Gleek in her lap. There had been apologies. There had been loving and snuggling. Kiki got to hear how Gleek talks through her emotions after the storm is all over. Apparently Gleek’s heart covered pajamas had become a conversational visual aid. One of the hearts has a bandaid and it represented how Gleek was feeling because of the yelling. The heart with round circles is how Gleek feels when she is taking a bath. The heart with tiny hearts all over is how Gleek feels when she is being loved. By the time I arrived they were all done with the bandaid heart and were well into the heart-filled heart.

I looked at my two girls there and realized that this is the first time they have ever seen a conflict all the way through to resolution. usually I step in and force them apart. I then talk to them separately and try to get them to see the other side. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. But either way they don’t end up snuggled up together on a rocking chair being sisters. That only happens when they go all the way through the storm together and come out the other side. They achieved remorse and forgiveness and restitution all without my help. I’m so glad of it that I want to cry. For once Kiki was willing to acknowledge that Gleek is adorable and amazing. Gleek always thinks that Kiki is amazing.

I helped tuck the two girls into their beds and they both fell into an exhausted slumber. Tomorrow we’ll probably be back to the regular bickering, but I don’t think it will ever be quite the same because once you’ve survived a storm with someone, you can’t forget that you loved them enough to forgive. What the storm does not destroy, it makes stronger.

I let my kids sleep in again today. The average needs per hour for the day was around 2-3. This is still worlds better than before, but not so heavenly as yesterday. Naturally 2-3 needs per hour is only an average. There were some uninterrupted hours, there were some excessively interrupted hours. The 9 PM bedtime remains a theoretical possibility rather than an actuality. I’ll try again tomorrow I guess. I just had too much fun sitting and talking with fun people to stay focused. Oh well. Good friends are balm for the soul. Well worth bedtime being a little bit later.

This morning I finally tracked down my relatives with whom I needed to compare schedules. We want to trade children sometime in July and I needed to know when. With that issue settled, I sat down to schedule swim lessons. I discovered that there were no times available where I could put four kids into four swim levels all during the same half hour. I am not interested in running over to the pool multiple times on the same day, so this presents a problem. I presented the problem to the kids and we all agreed that instead of official lessons, we’ll just go swimming once per week for the rest of the summer. This will cost about as much as the swim lessons would have and I suspect that the kids will actually have more fun. Now I just need to follow through on the “once per week” promise.

Can the solution really be this simple?

This morning rather than waking all the kids up at 8 AM, I let them all sleep until they woke on their own. There were a couple of long peaceful hours where I got stuff done, then they cheerfully emerged at around 10 AM.

For the past week or more the kids have been averaging 5-8 needs per hour. Those needs may be squabbles that I have to mediate, tummies to feed, or messes to clean up. Whatever it is, 5-8 times each hour I was called upon to solve a problem. Today has not contained a single major squabble and we are averaging less than 1 need per hour. I got a two hour nap with only a breif interruption in the middle. If the rest of the summer is like today, I will relish the whole thing.

So I’m now working on the premise that making sure the kids get enough sleep makes a major difference in how the day goes. This should not surprise me, but apparently it does. My tactic of trying to move bedtime earlier by keeping the getting-up time at 8 does not seem to be working. Bedtime still needs to be earlier than 10:30 PM, but I’m thinking that breakfast may need to slide to 9 AM for the remainder of the summer.

At least I had a nice relaxing day without having to flee the house for it.

Usually when I start writing a post, I’ve already got it half planned out. I use the times when my hands are busy and my brain is bored to compose. Today I didn’t, so what you are getting right now is me poking around in my brain to see what rattled loose during the day. Today I was listless and fidgety. I did not want to read or clean or be with the kids. I finally declared the feeling to be cabin fever. I informed Kiki that she was babysitting and I took off for nearly three hours. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do as I left the house. I just knew that I wanted the chance to be near pretty things without having to shout at kids to stop climbing on them. I suppose it would have made sense for me to go someplace like a museum, but instead I stopped at the local thrift store. Clothes are pretty, right?

Actually many of the clothes in a thrift store are not pretty. Far from it. But there were some pretty things. I wanted to find some church clothes in bright spring/summer colors. All my church clothes are dark. I found a really pretty skirt that made me look horribly fat. But the karma evened out when I found a shirt that I wasn’t sure I’d like, but I tried it on anyway and it looked fantastic. I came home with 5 shirts and 2 skirts for about $20. I’m not sure about the skirts though. They may be going back.

It was good to get out. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be back at my house again, but I didn’t hate it anymore. And later in the evening I marshalled the kids and they finally picked up the disaster that was our family room. That mess has been lurking for a week and I haven’t found the fortitude to attack it. But it is gone now. Banished by the miracle that is children who actually clean when they are asked to do so. If only they were always so enthusiastic/helpful.

Actually I’ve been really impressed with Kiki and Link lately. They have both been finishing their morning chores without any reminding from me. Gleek and Patches haven’t been doing the same, but then I’ve hardly been consistent about insisting. Not only that, but the chores required of Gleek and Patches require my participation while Link’s and Kiki’s do not. I don’t think it means the system is broken. It just means that I need to be better about helping the younger two get their stuff done.

July is looming. July is empty. We are in our fourth week of summer vacation. This means that the summer schedule has settled into a habit of sorts. It is no longer new and interesting. Next week the summer schedule gets even emptier. It will stay that way for the next 7 weeks. 7 weeks. I do not like to be cliche. It is so cliche for mothers to bemoan the fact that all the kids are home all summer. I’ve been berating myself for not dealing with it better. I should be able to deal with this. I should be able to pull my act together and put on a good attitude and make the summer be fun instead of grouchy and cabin feverish. The thought of 7 more weeks of near constant child monitoring makes me want to scream. How did I do it before the kids were in school? Oh. That’s right. They napped. And they needed piles more sleep than they need now. Back then they’d actually go to bed several hours before I crashed. Now they don’t. Tonight I finally got them all into bed at 10:45 pm. I manage 8 pm bedtimes during the school year, why can’t I make it happen during the summer? I think I will blame the sun and the weather. The best hours to be outside are 6-9 both AM and PM. And the kids feel it is wrong to be going to bed when the sun is still up.

I still remember how tired I was of the school schedule. I’m not particularly looking forward to entering another hectic race like last year. Supposedly this year will be different, but I’ve heard that before. So I’m wary of the looming empty summer and I’m also wary of the school year beyond it. This doesn’t leave me much to look forward to. I should probably fix that, but it takes time and effort to plan things to look forward to.

I really need to remember how to enjoy today instead of always looking for the next thing.

There are more thoughts rattling in here, but it is late and my brain wants me to sleep now. Maybe sleep will put things into better order.

Today I cleaned the kitchen. I fed the children. I did the accounting for 1 family and 2 businesses. I mailed a contract. Filled a schlock book order. Discussed layout for a picture book. Wrote over 1000 words. Washed 4 loads of laundry. and researched possible short story markets. Why is it that I feel like I didn’t get enough done?

I do have some niggling guilt because I didn’t require all the kids to do all of their assigned chores. Also I did not fold all of that laundry that I washed.

Summer days are long. I keep looking at the clock and thinking “Is it really only 2 pm?” Then I wonder what I am going to do with the rest of my day. I keep wondering that, until I look at the clock and think “Gah! How did it get to be 9pm? I’ve got to get these kids into bed!” These long afternoons are theoretically luxurious, but in real life they’re not. It is hard for me to revel in idleness when I have to get up every two minutes to mediate a quarrel.

I need to schedule some time for myself. During the school year I get breaks from the kids because they’re at school for large portions of the day. During the summer I have to schedule time to dump them in someone else’s care so that I can run off to find my fleeing sanity.

The good news from today is that I received a contract and payment for the short story I sold. I now have money to spend on important writerly expenses. Things like books, or envelopes, or new clothes to wear to conventions. But most of the money I intend to set aside because I am saving up to buy my very own shiny new laptop computer. The saving up is going to take awhile because short stories just don’t pay very well. They particularly don’t buy very much when you only have one sale. Hence the market research today.

I have noticed that when I talk to people, I avoid eye contact. When I listen to people I look directly at them. Somehow looking at someone when I’m talking to them feels pushy or rude or perhaps too intimate. I’ve noticed that some other people do the same thing, but I’m not sure that everyone does. This leaves me wondering how common this behavior is and what kind of a message it sends to the people with whom I am conversing. Do I seem distant? Aloof? Disinterested? Shy? Or perhaps I merely seem normal and polite.

What do you do with your eyes when you talk and listen to people?

I do not like to sit with my children in Primary Sharing Time. I am thoroughly bored by the meeting itself (No surprise, it is geared toward 3-7 year-olds not adults) and frequently so are the children (At this age kids quickly get bored of everything.) So all they have to do is find ways to entertain themselves. My job is to try to teach them appropriate reverent and attentive behavior. If I were just sitting with someone else’s children I can be detached and amused while helping correct. But Gleek and Patches feel compelled to climb all over me, play with my hair, squabble because they both want the whole lap, and otherwise impinge upon my personal space. I always end the hour wondering how anybody puts up with my children who behave as appropriately as monkeys or goats would in the same place. I am mad because I’m unable to correct them without making a scene. I am mad that somehow I failed to teach them properly. And I am stuck in a miserable situation because I am in charge of not only my kids but other people’s children as well. Those other kids? They get no attention from me. None. I can’t see past my own ape-goats to do more than snap out a whispered “Sit down!”

Class time is fine. During class time, I’m in control. I get to shape the lesson. I get to respond to the needs of the kids. And I only have to deal with one of my children instead of two because the other child is off in class. And I can say “I’m not a mommy right now. I’m a teacher.” They actually understand that. If the class is out of control, I have piles of tactics to bring it back. I’m very good at managing small groups of children. It is torture to have to sit quietly while being climbed over and watching someone else sort-of manage a large group of children. (I’m not critizing here. The teacher was doing well. Large groups of young children are extremely hard to manage.)

Today I substituted for Gleek’s class. As I picked up Patches his teacher tried to corner me to ask if I’d be in town next week. I said I wasn’t sure. I really do not want to do this again next week. It is selfish of me. I know that primary teachers work hard. I know how frustrating and uncomfortable it is to have to beg people to substitute. I’ve been there. But right now is really not a good time in my life for me to be subbing for my younger two kids. In a couple of years it’ll be fine again. In a couple of years I may even enjoy it thoroughly. All I know is that after having me sit with them this week, next week I’m going to have to work twice as hard to get them to go at all. If I sit in there again next week it will all be worse. I hope they get someone else before they get around to asking me. I don’t want to have to say no. But if they do ask I think I’ll say no.

In the summer I have kids with me all day every day. Those two childless hours at church provide a blessed and much needed relief. Usually after church I’m ready to spend time with my kids because I’ve had a break. Right now I just want to lock myself in a room all by myself and ignore them all.

(Note: All parenthetical comments were added later in the day because I am apparently unable to let my grumpy rants go unqualified.)

It is really good to have a friend who will just come and hang out at my house with me while I do dishes and tend to needy kids. This had the potential to be a really grouchy day and instead it was a very nice one.

Today was “outing day.” If the kids have been getting all their chores done during the week, then we take some time on Friday to go and do something out of the ordinary just for fun. Today we started with a drive to Dragon’s Keep to pick up Howard. We went out to dinner at Chuck-a-rama. It was pricey, but I can’t teach kids how to behave in a restaurant if we never go to one. They love getting to pick whatever they want to eat. They especially love that they can pick lots of desserts.

After dinner the kids weren’t quite ready to go home yet. I was considering taking them to the Museum of Art at BYU, but I wasn’t sure when it closed for the day. On a whim I drove to the BYU Botanical Gardens instead. It was the right choice. The kids loved the duck pond. Another family gave us the last of their bread so my kids got to feed ducks. They even got to feed three little ducklings. The pond also had four turtles and some fish. The kids loved it. After awhile we went on a walk along the trail through the gardens. The kids loved that as well. They kept running ahead and exclaiming over every cool thing they found. A stream! A flower! A rock wall! Stairs! A bridge! Tennis balls! A Bird! We took a break at the top of the trail and went inside the Maeser building for a bathroom. I still love that building. I think it is my favorite building on the campus. The kids liked it too. Their voices automatically hushed with reverence. Then we wended our way back down the trail to the duck pond. I could tell that the kids were wearing out. They stopped running so far ahead and the steady stream of exclamations dwindled to a trickle.

At the base of the trail we again paused to enjoy the duck pond. A group of people had a dog there. I found it fascinating that wherever the dog went all the ducks in the pond would begin swimming toward the dog. It was almost as if they were prepared to attack the potential predator. There were probably 20 ducks out there and it was fascinating to watch this little fleet swim and maneuver. The dog was paying no attention to the ducks. He was having fun with sticks and people.

Then it was time to go home. All the kids climbed into the car tired and happy. Gleek had a fistful of duck feathers which she sorted and described out loud during the trip home. Kiki kept talking about how she’d like to come back and just sit and draw or read. She kept asking me if I had come there often when I was a student at BYU. I did, but not often. I always meant to go, but life keeps getting busy. Link asked if maybe we could buy a house near that pond because he’d like to live close to it. Patches was too tired for commentary.

It was a good outing. We need to go back there again some time.