I want to write a fiction book for my son Link. I plan to do it. I’ve got the idea and part of the outline prepared. I want the book to be helpful and empowering to him while delighting him.
The trouble is that he doesn’t need a book. He particularly doesn’t need a book if in order to write it I let him spend hours on end playing video games. He doesn’t need me to grouch at him because the writing is being frustrating. What he needs is for me to put down my computer and draw him out of the electronic worlds where he so frequently dwells. He needs me to talk with him and play with him. He needs to interact with people. He needs to face his anxieties and overcome them. He needs to learn how to build friendships when they don’t spontaneously happen. He needs to run around outside and jump on trampolines. He needs to learn to ride his bike. He needs to play with friends. He needs to relate to friends without the comfort of a video game to allow him to avoid talking. Video games can be great for bonding, but he needs to learn other means as well. He will not do these things on his own, not before he has a painful social interaction with his peers. It is my job to make him do these things. It is my job to manage getting him to do these things so that he never realizes that I have an agenda. He should just think he is playing while I know he is being prepared for the rest of his life.
I need to look up anxiety. Link is very anxious about many things. He seriously over-reacts to negative stimuli. He nicked his hand with a knife and spent the next week wishing out loud that knives had never been invented and being afraid any time anyone touched a knife. I can not eliminate anxiety if it is one of his natural inclinations, but I can make sure that I teach him appropriate strategies for dealing with his anxieties. I don’t yet know what those strategies are because this has not been a thing with which I’ve had much personal experience.
My son needs me to plan and help and structure for him because he can not do it for himself yet.
I can still write the book if I want. But the book has to be in addition to rather than instead of.
Sort of been there
Not quite, because kids are all different, but I think there comes a time in the life of every mother/writer when we have to realize our two passions need to find as compromise.
For me, it was something my son did when he was four. He loved it when I read to him, even more so when I actually made up a story for bedtime. He also knew that I was working on a very special story – one that I had been working on for half of his life – and he really wanted to hear that special story. I tried to explain to him that he was too young to understand the story, but that when he was older, I would let him read it. Finally, I told him that it was just too long for Mommy to read out loud to him. That solved the problem.
Or so I thought. Then one day I had printed out a section of my practice novel before he and his sister woke up, to proof read it later during naptime. I left the papers next to the computer and went to make breakfast. Later that afternoon, my son walked up to me with a half sheet of paper and a bright smile on his face. “Here, Mommy!” he said, “read this to me! I cut it for you.”
I sat there in shock as I realized he handed me a part of my novel. Sputtering, I said, “That’s nice, sweetheart, but why did you cut it?”
“You said it was too long to read,” he explained, looking very worried. “Now, it isn’t. You’re not mad, are you?”
“No,” I told him. I quickly scanned the section and realized that without the rest of the story, not even an adult would have a clue what was going on in it, but I went ahead and read it to him. When I finished, my son had a very blank look on his face. Then he took a deep breath and in an encouraging, mature tone, he said quite firmly, “You did a very good job, Mommy. You keep writing and I’m sure you’ll be really good at it someday.”
Three years later, I wrote the following poem for him to share with his class. He didn’t. He realized it was about him and decided that maybe taking Mom’s poems to school wasn’t as great of an idea as he thought in the first place.
Mommy Likes to Write
=====================
My mommy likes to write.
She does it day and night.
She tells stories to our computer.
And prints them out on white paper.
I asked her one day,
What one of her stories did say.
She said that I was too young
To read stories which were so long.
So, I cut in half one of her papers,
And walking proudly, handed it to her.
Mommy’s eyes went wide with surprise,
But she only asked me, “Why?”
“I didn’t mean to do something wrong,
But you said your stories were too long.
But this one isn’t, you see.
Could you please read it to me?”
She sighed and went ahead
To tell me what that paper said.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her –
Dr. Suess writes a whole lot better.
I think you are brilliant in the way you write your thoughts and how you care for your children. When you learn how to teach Link coping mechanisms, please write about it to help the rest of us! There are many children in the same situation as he (and you!)
Re: Sort of been there
Did you finish your novel? Has your son grown old enough to read it yet? The poem is darling. Thanks for sharing!
Re: Sort of been there
Did you finish your novel?
I did. It was a practice novel from the start. I did it because I had developed a major writer’s block I needed to work through. Some people might think that a practice novel would be a waste of time, but it was one of the best growth experiences I’ve ever had.
I’ve written a few real novels since then, but my passion is more for exploring the art of story telling than actually getting published. My stories become laboratories for me. When I try to publish one, my creativity seizes up. I did have two short stories published by a webzine in the past and got a lot of good feedback, but I was sort of freaked out by a couple of my “fans”.
I still share my works. I have the practice novel up at http://paradox.of.arden.tripod.com – with a detailed explanation as to why I chose to write a fanfic. Up until that time I would never even consider writing one, but as I said, I give my reasons there.
I also have several works – mostly in my own worlds – on.
Has your son grown old enough to read it yet?
Technically, yes. However, as a 16 year old boy, he prefers stories about other teenagers and battles. He has read a few of my short stories, though.
The poem is darling. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Hi, my name is Janci and I’ve been fighting an anxiety disorder for…ever. We should talk.
Talk? It seems like all we do is talk. 😉
But yes I should pick your brain about the internal experience of anxiety. I’ve only just realized that Link is currently aimed straight for a disorder there or already has one.
The definition of a disorder is that it interferes with your goals. If Link has social goals he can’t pursue because he is too anxious, then he has a disorder, though that type of disorder can be overcome by learning to