Day: November 22, 2009

The sound of silence

It is eleven o’clock. Everyone else in the house is already asleep and the house is quiet. It is so tempting for me to stay up. I want to revel in the fact that for the next eight hours no one will be asking me to do anything. No one will call on the phone, or ask me to pour milk, or need me to find something. I can just sit and listen to the sound of silence. I can hear my own thoughts. I can compose words without interruption.

Unfortunately 6:20 am will come at the same time whether or not I’ve slept. Tomorrow will arrive and it will have demands upon me. I will be much better equipped to meet those demands if I’ve had a full night’s sleep. So I should go to bed. I really should. But instead I stand at the window. I stare out into the darkness and wonder if we will get snow tonight. I’m not ready for snow. I want more sunshine. The house is already chilly, so I head toward my bed. But then words collect together in my brain. They come together and crystallize, much as molecules of moisture freeze together in the million beautiful patterns of snowflakes. The words are there. If I crawl into that warm bed, they will melt away.

I step lightly down to my office and I type. I type and capture the words. I pin them to the page so that they will retain their shape. When I am done, I will go sleep.

A little oil and a handful of meal

We each have a limited amount of time and energy to spend. Choosing to do one thing invariably leaves less energy and time for everything else. It is a very simple calculation. We grab handfuls from our store and spread them around. When we run out, we must rest or do something else to replenish our reserves before we can hand out any more.

And yet this week I have experienced the miracle of the widow who fed Elijah. I encounter a great need in someone close to me and I empty out my reserves to respond. But need followed need without stopping. Each time I was sure that I had used the last emotional energy that I had available. But when the next need arose, I went to my store I discovered I had just enough to manage. It happened again and again all week long.

This week has not left me much time to rest or rejuvenate. There have been no spaces to process. I have poured myself out to answer the needs of others and somehow I am not empty.