Patch and the bike
It seemed like a good plan to send the kids out to ride bikes. The only trouble is that Patch felt himself too big for the little training wheeled bike, but had not yet had time to learn how to ride on two wheels. I was distracted by the piles of invoices on the kitchen table. So I barely paid attention other than an absent admonishment to Link that he should help his little brother. It did not go well. Link wanted to help, but did not really know how to teach someone else to ride a bike. Nor did he have the strength to hold up a bike while Patch attempted to pedal. Howard came to the rescue, but Patch was already convinced that the two wheel bike was too big and that he needed something in between the two bike sizes. He tearfully clung to this assertion and no amount of cajoling could convince him to give the bike another try. Kiki tried to help too. When I finally went outside Patch was seated on the bike, feet dragging the ground, collapsed limply over the handle bars, while Kiki steered the bike around. I declared bike time to be over and carried the sobbing boy into the house. It took him a long time to calm down.
I had to return to invoice sorting even before Patch had regained full calm. I felt bad about the whole thing, but by the time I realized that I needed to set aside the business stuff for a few minutes, it was already too late. People can not learn things unless they’ve got their attitudes correctly adjusted. My business schedule is so tightly packed right now that I couldn’t afford to reschedule the invoice sorting completely. But I thought about Patch and his bike while I shifted pieces of paper around. I thought about him long after he had calmed down and run off to play a game with Link. Patch is like me. He plans ahead creating mental pictures of how things are going to work. Also like me, he gets very upset when his plans have to be adjusted without advance warning. In his mind he was just going to jump on the bike and go. When that was not the case, the whole thing felt impossible to him. He had to stomp and cry a bit before he could really address the issue.
I’ve been feeling very “stomp and cry” about a lot of little things lately. There are these things that I can’t see how to fix, or that I can only fix in ways that I don’t want to do. I can pay someone to come take the lawnmower away, repair it and return it, but I don’t want to spend the money. A similar application of money would fix the oven, but I haven’t done that yet either. There are some ongoing business negotiations which are pending and I’d like them resolved. Our big shipping day needs to be prepared for, QFT needs more layout, lots of small family and community events require my planning effort. And I am dragging my feet, crying, and feeling like it is all impossible. But it isn’t. If I can just calm down I will be able to see the resources all around me. The solutions will become very clear.
This evening when the invoices were sorted and the afternoon was cooling down, I borrowed a bike handle from my neighbor. It is a long curved handle which attaches to the back of a bike and is specifically designed for an adult to help a child balance and learn. Once this aid was installed, I called Patch back outside. He smiled when he saw the handle and ran to climb on the bike. Suddenly he could picture it working again. He got on while I balanced it, then he began to pedal. Within three steps, I let go of that handle. 10 steps later, he wobbled so I grabbed it again and we stopped.
“Awesome buddy! Did you know I let go?”
“You did?!” Patch grinned. The first solo ride was done.
Rides 2-10 were much wobblier because Patch kept trying to turn around to see if I was still holding on. I was. But after that, he gained confidence. He stopped checking, and I let go more. Inside of 20 minutes I stood in the middle of our cul de sac while Patch rode in circles around me. Same bike, same day, same cul de sac, but the boy had changed. He was given the right support, the right tool, a little bit of confidence, and what had been impossible became accomplished.
I haven’t solved my problems yet. There are still tools and confidence that I need to acquire, but I think maybe these tools exist and I can figure it out.