At 1 pm I was having a really good day. Not much since then is cause for joy. There was crankiness, overtiredness, tantrums, yelling, tears, and all that’s just from me. I am tired and burdened with vivid memories of how I failed my children today. They needed me to be more, better, different. I tried, I really did. I worked hard right up until I snapped, then I’d calm down and try again. Repeat cycle.

I need to find my happy thoughts. I’ve forgotten how to fly.

6 thoughts on “”

  1. Happens to the best of us, kiddo. Fear not.

    Duct tape is the solution to all child-rearing woes. 😉

    As long as you can find it in yourself to avoid believing that, you’re probably OK.

  2. Livejournal ate my original post, but I’m going to summarize and try again. heh.

    Don’t beat yourself up too much! Everybody has bad days. Could be a missed meal, hormones, fatigue, or a dozen other things that caused your afternoon to crash out on you. Your kids know you love ’em, and they will be all right.

    I’m not so sure it hurts kids to know that Moms have a boiling point. My eldest sister’s two learned early that she was not a morning person, and simply did their best to save their rambunctious behavior for after school. I remember once, when Steph was about 7 and Jake 5, babysitting, and sleeping on the couch, as their mom didn’t come home until very late. As I recall, my other nephews spent the night as well – at the time, I was the only non-Mom, and so kept the kids so my sisters could all have a night out.

    In the morning, I awoke to the sound of Steph, 7, and Jake, 4, shushing the other kids loudly. “Shhh! You guys!” Steph said. “Mom’s grumpy face is on top in the morning. Let’s go play in my room.”

    I don’t think they were scarred by this. I doubt your kids were scarred by a bad afternoon. In fact, I’ll wager that you were far more traumatized by it than they were.

    Get a little sleep, and tomorrow you’ll remember other ways to fly than off the handle. (heheheh)

  3. You know, it’s funny how memories work. During Christmas time in St. George we told each other about memories of growing up and my dad is always so kind and gentle… except one time that we all remember. When he snapped and threw my middle brother onto his bed. He probably snapped a few other times, (I do remember one other) but, THAT ONE is the one that EVERYONE remembers. Who knows what kids will remember…
    I just hope that if my kids remember me snapping and blowing up, that they will also remember me calming down and apologizing. Here’s hoping.

    Also, “I need to find my happy thoughts.” I laughed so hard when I read this, a voice in my mind (that I got somewhere from a movie?) was saying over and over, “Need to find my happy place!” repeated. 🙂
    Just think:
    We wouldn’t appreciate the good days,
    if we didn’t have bad days to compare them with…

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