I have a wonderful neighbor. She and her family moved into the house behind ours last year. We quickly determined that taking a section of fence down was the only smart thing to do. I love being able to send Gleek and Patches out the back door to their friend’s house. I also love having a friend. I think it was just this time last year that I was wondering what it would be like to have a female friend to just hang out with. Now I know and I feel really really lucky. I’ve learned so much from J. She’s lived on a really tight budget for years and so frequently drops tidbits of info that I can imediatedly put to use. She is also incredibly considerate of everything and everybody. She’s even considerate of the feelings of the dog she unwillingly inherited from relatives. It is no surprise that J very quickly became the dog’s favorite person. I’m learning so much about how to be a good friend by just watching her. The home preschool group that has been so wonderful for Gleek would not have happened without J.
One thing I’m still learning from her is the wealth of free resources that are available in our community. I’ve lived here for 15 years now and yet J knows more about free concerts and lectures and museums than I do. She knows where to look to find this information. The really nice thing is how balanced our friendship is turning out to be. I balance the things I’m learning from her with my garage sale knowledge and my gardening knowledge. It feels good to give too.
The reason I’m singing the praises of my friend today is because in one stroke she resolved one of my fears for the coming summer. She gave me a family zoo/museum pass. With this pass I can get into 300 zoos and museums all across the country without having to pay an admissions fee. I was worried about this coming summer because money will be tight and we won’t be able to afford a big vacation trip. Now I can take my kids to the local zoo and museums as many times as I want all summer long. All year long in fact. And if we finagle a trip to Idaho we can do the same thing there. If there is some unlikely windfall that gets us all to my parents house in California there are a dozen zoos and museums we could go to. I’m really excited about having this pass.
Sounds like a very good neighbor indeed.
*Sigh* I want a cool neighbor, too…
One of the things that I’ve learned from J is that more often than not good neighbors are made rather than found. She actively seeks points of connection with the people around her. She locates free concerts and invites people to go. She calls people to tell them about the great deal she found at the grocery store that day. She keeps track of people’s interests and deliberately calls when she finds out something relating to those interests. These are all things I’m not very good at and so I’ve been trying to spy on her and learn how she does it. I don’t even know if she realizes that she does it, she just finds good friends where ever she goes.
It occurs to me that Fabian is probably very good at these kind of personable things. It’s just that he doesn’t move in the same mommying circles that you need to.
Now all that said, there is definitely something to the idea of “kindred spirits.” Some friendships seem to happen all by themselves and others require a lot of constant nurturing. I feel very very lucky to have J.
That is one awesome gift! Sounds like you do have a good friend there, and a good neighbor.
We just moved into this new house; maybe I should get to know my neighbors. I never did, when we rented; but then, so often they were.. icky. I mean, why would I want to strike up a friendship with someone who pees in their yard? Or who throws their trash over the fence into my yard? heh.
Still, these seem like nice families… oh, bother, now you’ve inspired me to be all social.
Yes, I “borrow” most of my friends from Fabian. Living with him has taught me a lot of the mechanics of how networking is done, but actually *doing* it makes me tired. It’s probably the sort of effort that would be rewarded in the end, though.
I tend to do that too. I let Howard make friends and then the very first time I meet them there’s already a connection of sorts because we’ve both heard about each other.
The actual doing is always a sticking point for me too. I think I’ve got a pretty firm grasp on the theory, but my natural impulse is to curl up with a book rather than make a phone call.
Good luck with it. Building a community out of people who happen to live near each other is worth the work it takes.
Yup. Phone calls require effort. I guess that’s what makes us introverts.