I have several copies of a portrait that embarrasses me every time I see it. It was a “glamour shots” style portrait that I had done right before I underwent radiation therapy. I’ve never been a glamor type person. I figure the best possible photo of me would probably be a candid one taken outdoors somewhere. I had friends who had glamour photos taken and I never thought I would. But with radiation looming I was scared. It seemed possible that radiation would cause permanent damage to my looks and I wanted a chance to feel beautiful before that happened. Perhaps it was vain. Strike that, I know it was vain.
What I got was powdered in a skin tone that was far too light. I was made up like a movie star. And then I discovered that I couldn’t pout or ham it up for the camera to save my life. When the pictures came back both Howard and the sales associate raved about them. I didn’t like any of them. The person in the pictures was not some glamorous movie star, it was still me, only dressed up in ways that I have never been before or since. The pictures were false. Lies. But having spent the money on the session I only had the option of buying some or going through another session. I don’t remember how much money we spent. And I really really don’t comprehend how I allowed us to be talked into an 18×20 sized portrait. I don’t want to stare at my self on the wall larger than life. ick.
As soon as the portraits came home we framed them and I hid them all. Except for the one that Howard snagged and took to work. Those photos have laid in wait for me over the years. Everytime I find them during a cleaning spree I quickly hide them again. When Howard quit Novell and his office moved home, he brought his copy of the picture too. After trying not to see it for months on end, I finally asked him whether he really liked it. He confessed that he doesn’t as much anymore. I’ve aged and it doesn’t look as much like me and now there isn’t anyone to admire the picture of his wife. Then he said the smart husband thing “I don’t need a picture that doesn’t look much like you when I’ve got you right here.” So I got his permission and removed the picture from his office.
Then I found the giant size picture, pulled it out of it’s frame and shredded it. I would never ever hang that monument to vanity and fear on my wall. It would reverberate negative thoughts at me. It felt so good to get rid of the thing. Now it no longer takes up space in my life. Now I no longer have to feel embarrassed every time I uncover it. And now I have a nice empty frame waiting for a project. I am keeping one wallet sized photo of each pose and getting rid of the rest. Part of me really wants to shred them all and erase that incident from history. It’s as if shredding the pictures is like destroying all the fear and uncertainty behind having them taken. Another part of me feels like I should keep at least a couple of copies for posterity’s sake. But do I really want my posterity to be able to see pictures of a false me? I’m much happier with the few candid shots that are available of me.
I would vote for keeping the small copies. I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but at some point you may very well get a chuckle out of them, if not, your kids certainly will. There is a picture of my mother, taken when she was 13, looking very grown up and not at all 13, and totally unlike my mother, at least in my mind. I just look at it and shake my head.
Pictures are frozen memories, but what those memories mean to you changes over time, and what you learn from them when you look back changes too. I have a few pictures taken at times that for me are very painful to look back on, but the pictures help me to look at those times and remember things that are valuable lessons not to be forgotten. They certainly are not out on public display, but having them there helps me stay honest with myself.
Just my 2cents. You’ll do what’s best for you.
This icon — one of my favorites — is a Glamour Shot of me, taken eight years ago. So are the “smile” and “cute” icons. Most of my other icons are a lot more recent. My default icon, the “exercise” one, and the “artistic” one were all taken with the last year or so. Oddly, I can’t see a lot of difference between way I look in the new ones and the old Glamour Shots ones. I like the way the Glamour photos looked, but I didn’t actually buy any of them. I couldn’t think what I’d do with them. All I have are the proofs, and the only reason I have those is because we had a coupon that gave us the proofs free with the session.
It makes me a little sad that you bought pictures of yourself that you’ve never liked. Still, I’m glad you’ve had the satisfaction of ridding yourself of them. =)
A number of years ago, I went to Louisiana to spend time with my father’s peopl. My girlfriend (now my wife) went out with a friend who convinced her to get a glamour pic taken, which she gave me in a foldable travel frame.
I still have it, but I didn’t like the picture then, and don’t now; it isn’t her.