The Paladin Within
Yesterday I answered my door and was surprised to see a friend’s 17 year-old son standing there. He was desperately seeking a ride to downtown Provo (20 minutes away) to attend a class that he couldn’t miss. I could tell he was upset. He thanked me profusely when I told him I could give him the ride. So I collected Gleek and Patches and we all piled into the car.
This young man has a good heart, but he looks kind of scary. Patches was clearly unnerved at this strange person. Patches looked at me with wide eyes “Mom, he has earrings!” I elected to merely agree that he did indeed have earrings without adding any kind of sermon. Honestly, I hope my boys never pierce their ears, but I felt it was more important to teach about acceptance than about earrings. There will be other times to talk about what I feel is appropriate clothing. Gleek also commented on the earrings and we had a little discussion about male video game characters and movie characters that we’ve seen with earrings.
On the drive down I got to talk with this young man. I’ve known him since he was Link’s age. I always say hello when I see him, but we don’t actually talk much. I learned that the reason he was so desperate to get to class was that if he missed it, the police would put out a warrant for his arrest. He was caught in possession of some illegal substance and attending this class was a way to stay out of jail. He never did tell me what the substance was. He assured me that it wasn’t his, his friend must have slipped it into his bag when he wasn’t looking. He talked about how he’s thinking of pursuing a career as a bounty hunter. He was thinking about doing something in science, but had to change because he got kicked out of high school. We talked a little about bounty hunting and science and GEDs and community college.
As I listened to this young man, I was fascinated by what I could read between the lines of what he was actually saying. I could hear his longing for a science career and his regret that he’d been kicked out of school. I could hear his loyalty to his friends even though they’d landed him in trouble. I could hear his frustration with “The Man.” I could feel his pain that the system so often lashed out at him because he was on the wrong side of it. Most of all I could feel his desire to be a force for good in the world if only he could figure out how to go about it without allying himself with the system he perceives as an enemy.
I realized that for some reason he was offering me an open window into his head and heart. Perhaps it was because he was so grateful for the ride. Perhaps it was because of memories of associations that we had when he was younger. Whatever the reason, I had a window of opportunity. I had a chance to offer this young man information that would help him become who he wants to be. I knew I could not lecture or be heavy handed. If I did, then I’d be shoved out and the window slammed shut. I know that his mother has spent many years shouting and pounding on that closed window. I realized that, of all the messages I could possibly try to give this young man, the very best one would be to affirm his value as a person and make clear that not all adults are enemies. So I listened. I offered no advice, just occasional small pieces of information. I learned much more about bounty hunting than I’d known before.
When we arrived he again thanked me for being willing to drive him. I told him that’s what friends are for and I wished him well. I also told him that he’s a smart kid and he’ll be able to accomplish whatever he wants to do, he just has to decide what that is. I think he needed to hear it, because he thanked me for saying it. Then he sauntered his way into the building. I bet he walked in cool and calm, pretending that he’s only there because it was convenient to come. The teacher in that class may only see a hoodlum in the making. The teacher is on the outside, forever shut out by his association with The Man. I got a rare and wonderful glance at the paladin within, the soul that wants to protect the weak and destroy evil.
I share this story because there are many young men like the one who knocked at my door yesterday. They are hurt and confused. They push away those who could help them. They stand at a crossroads trying to decide which path to take. We all have a responsibility to be there at the crossroads to help those who are lost. I truly hope that my young friend finds away to achieve his dreams rather than just accepting what is left to him.