Preschool Patches
When Kiki was four years old parenting was still new. I was constantly amazed at her intelligence. I spent hours nurturing that intelligence by playing alphabet games and putting together puzzles. I made sure that she was in an academic preschool which focused on learning to read.
When Link was four years old he was developmentally delayed. I played hours of alphabet games with him trying to help him catch up to his peers. I created special learning boxes full of developmental games to help teach concepts such as colors and story sequence. I had photo flash cards to teach him the names of family members because he wasn’t just picking them up on his own. I made sure he was in a preschool which had a large playground so that he had space to play in between the harder learning times.
When Gleek was four years old Howard had just left Novell. Money was extremely tight. I could not afford to put Gleek into preschool, so I banded together with some other mothers and we created one. Every sixth week preschool was at my house and I spent hours preparing lessons and activities. I watched Gleek carefully to see how she was reacting to the group experience. I intervened a lot to make sure that she stayed under control. I talked a lot with the other moms to help them know how to handle her.
Now Patches is four years old and my life is very different. I am very different. For the other three kids my whole focus was on parenting, now I am working. Granted, I am working from home, but there is still necessary business work which has to be done. Patches is ready to learn letters. He is ready for alphabet games. But I am not ready. I’ve played all the alphabet games. They bore me. I know I need to do it for Patches, but no sooner do I sit down to play with him, and part of my brain starts running through all the other tasks which I need to get done. Patches doesn’t get my full attention the way the other kids did at this age. I worry about that. I wonder if that is why he sometimes gets so whiny and insistent. Maybe he has to be whiny and insistent because it is the only way to make sure that mommy pays attention. Negative attention is better than half-attention or no-attention.
This coming fall Patches will be the right age for preschool. I am undecided about what to do. Part of me thinks that I should just teach him myself. That I should schedule a little school time into each day. That would give him the full attention for awhile. But it wouldn’t give him social interaction with peers. And will I really do it? When it is just me and him, it is so easy for me to get distracted and work instead of giving Patches his time. All too often the quiet mornings with the other three in school are spent with Howard in his office, me in mine, and Patches left to play by himself. Lots of days he doesn’t mind, but other times he wanders into my office every five minutes because he’s bored. Then he gets growled at because he breaks my train of thought.
Another option would be to put him into a preschool program. But money is still tight and a good preschool isn’t cheap. Also I’m not eager to add more pick-ups and drop-offs to my fall schedule which currently looks blissfully clear. On the other hand it would be good for him to relate to a teacher who isn’t me and I might be nicer to him if I have a scheduled break. Theoretically I could get all the work done while he is gone and give him my full attention when he gets home. But will I do that? Or will I just bring him home and disappear back into my office?
Life for Patches growing up is always going to be different than for the other kids. He is always going to have a mom who is experienced parenting whatever stage of life he as at. By the time Patches gets there, it is all old news to me. I have to remember that it isn’t old news to him. He is excited about learning letters. He really wants to be able to learn to write. For him these things are new and wonderful. I need to slow down to preschool speed for him. I need to give him more of me.