Using what you have
Normal has returned. Around noon today I started feeling able to deal with life again. Now I am not reduced to tears by one child asking for a drink of milk while another demands that I tie shoes. I am not kidding. Yesterday that was a completely overwhelming dilemma.
This raises a question. How much of who I am is dictated by the balance of chemicals in my brain? I believe that our choices make us who we are, but then I have evidence that I can be changed despite my choices.
I think it is like one of those cub scout art projects where the scout is given a bag of random stuff and told to make something with it. The one I remember most clearly was when each scout was given a bag containing identical items and told to build a better mousetrap. All of the mousetraps were completely unique despite being made from identical materials. Choice obviously made a big difference.
But in life we aren’t given identical supplies to start with. Some people are given a whole craft room full of everything. Others have paper and glue. It seems as if the person with the whole craft room is much more likely to create something wonderful, but that is often not the case. I know of many beautifully stocked craft rooms which go unused or get used to make uninspired creations. On the other hand people have been able to make the most amazing things out of nothing but paper.
I think that when I take my medicine I have multiple craft cupboards from which to pull supplies. They’re all open and I can pull from all of them at need. Days like yesterday I can only open a single cupboard at a time which means even the simplest of tasks takes much longer and is much more frustrating. But whether I have all my cupboards available or just one, I’m still the one who chooses what to make.