A Note to My Subconscious

Dear Subconscious,

I’m writing to let you know that I’m nominating the dream you provided last night for the Nightmare of the Year award in the category “Public Speaking Nightmare.” I was particularly impressed with the way you skipped all the cliched lack of clothing and disorganization and went straight for accidentally disappointing other people. The most dramatic moment was when I was in the middle of interviewing a celebrity in front of an audience and I turned to see the other four panelists I had been completely ignoring. The fact that the other panelists were all people I know and respect really increased the impact. My social blunder was hammered home when both the panelists and half the audience left in disgust while I was still attempting to salvage the presentation. Then there was that one audience member who came to tell me that his wife was really sick and she had been looking up to me, but now she couldn’t anymore. Brilliant.

It is important that you also added in random elements like the laundry pile in which I attempted to hide and the blankies that I carried with me. Randomness is the core of dreams and you did not forget it. The most powerful thing about the dream was the lack of villains. Everyone in the dream acted rationally, calmly, and kindly. It was just abundantly clear that I had failed miserably and disappointed everyone. It has been a long time since you provided such a powerful dream. I woke up crying and with the shakes. Howard was also impressed when I woke him up to tell him about it. He said “Wow. Your subconscious really had it in for you.” I must agree.

The effort put into this dream was impressive. Perhaps you should take some time off to recuperate. I’ll be perfectly happy to do without dreaming for a while.