Burnout
I worked hard this week, but I’m not done yet. I still have labels to print and mailers to stamp and customs forms to prepare and insert sheets to print. I’m sure there are other things too. I feel like a runner mid-marathon. I’m exhausted and achy and wondering why I got myself into this position, but I can’t stop to rest. I have to keep going. Only that is a false metaphor because I can stop. I can take breaks. But somehow I’m having a hard time actually doing it. There is a drive inside me to hurry and get it done so that I don’t have to do it anymore. There is also an exhaustion in me that doesn’t want to touch it ever again. This isn’t so bad in the mornings when I’m fresh, but by evening I end up wandering around unable to settle into either work or relaxation.
The state of my house matches the state of my mind. It is a mess.
Today I am using my energetic hours to put things into order. I swept the kitchen for the first time all week. Hopefully before the day is over there will be vacuuming. This afternoon my kids have a rehearsal to attend and so I’ll have two and a half hours to myself. I intend to use them frivolously and get myself out of the house. I think I’ll go fabric shopping. I really need some time to just be Sandra without being Mom or or Schlock Mercenary Distribution Coordinator. I need to refill my well of motivation because I have so much left to do.