Motivation and the lack of it
I have had a really hard time getting moving the last few days. The Me of last week made all these plans about what would be the best use of time, but the Me of this week is feeling rebellious. I don’t want to do what I told myself I should do. Or rather I do want to have done these things, I just can find the motivation to do them right this minute.
Much of this stems from the fact that I don’t know when the books are going to arrive. I’m hoping they’ll arrive early next week. If they do, then next week becomes very busy and I’ll kick myself for the things I didn’t get done this week. But if the books do not arrive next week, then I’ll need to have things to do to distract myself from the lack of books. If I do all the preparatory things this week, then I may have nothing to fill the emptiness of next week. I say “nothing,” I will have many things to do, they just won’t be helpful in getting books mailed out on schedule and so in the twisted logic of a “waiting” mind-state those other things won’t count.
I somewhat resolve this by moseying my way through shipping tasks. I really want to go into high-energy mode and get stuff done, but I know that I can only sustain high-energy for a limited period of time. Thus I’m not allowed to go high-energy until we have a firm date on book delivery. Then I’ll know how to manage my flow of energy so that I don’t burn out too soon.
My kids get home from school in just over two hours. At that point I am officially on vacation. I will only be doing the minimally necessary business tasks while the kids are out of school. I need the break and the kids need my time and attention. They need the attention now because between the arrival of books and the end of the book release party I’ll have very little to spare.
So here I sit. Not on vacation yet, but not feeling like doing any of the non-vacation things which need me to do them.